The Hater Confessional (Part 4): How To Play The Victim, Reverse Bully, And Decrease Happiness | Dr. Isaiah Hankel | Focus, Create and Grow Your Way To Intelligent Achievement The Hater Confessional (Part 4): How To Play The Victim, Reverse Bully, And Decrease Happiness | Dr. Isaiah Hankel | Focus, Create and Grow Your Way To Intelligent Achievement

Create Your Escape Plan

Focus, Create And Grow Your Way To Intelligent Achievement

The Hater Confessional (Part 4): How To Play The Victim, Reverse Bully, And Decrease Happiness

“You can either be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It all depends on how you view your life.”

Paulo Coelho

“Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.”

Maureen Johnson

“Relationships based on obligation lack dignity.”

Wayne Dyer


Guilt is a hater’s last resort.

In the land of unfulfilled dreams, inertia is king. For the past month, I’ve been writing about the things in life that will try to hold you back from achieving your goal. Things like haters, negative emotions, and limiting circumstances are constantly working against you. This inertia acts to slow you down, sapping your energy and reducing your momentum. Momentum is energy. With enough momentum, anything is possible. The key is to anticipate and avoid the things in life that will keep you from generating momentum.

Inertia interrupts momentum. This current series on haters and people that negatively influence motivation goes hand in hand with my previous series on naming your purpose in life. First, you have to define a goal and align your life with it. The next step is recognizing and preparing for the inevitable obstacles you will face. Understand: your biggest obstacle is always yourself. More than anything, this series is about avoiding the hater mindset in yourself. Everyone has been a hater at one time or another. The important part is understanding that hating on other people does more damage to you than it does to them.

Hate the Haterade, not the haters. Of course, this series is also about learning to recognize the hater mindset in others. Your goal is to identify and sidestep haters, not change them. Don’t waste your valuable time and energy trying to show someone else that they are a hater. No one plays a villain in their own life. Most importantly, do not make it your purpose in life to payback negative people. Find ways to deal with haters without being a hater. Negativity is poison. Stay away from it. Instead, do your best to lead a life full of enjoymentinfluence, and vitality. Take action daily to increase your happiness, improve your self-confidence, and develop leadership skills.

Obligation Obliterates Happiness

Relish the life you live. Go out into the world and revel in who you are right now. This is your best defense (and revenge) against haters. Numerous scientific studies show that increasing your happiness comes down to five things: building strong relationships with positive people, appreciating what you have, maintaining an optimistic outlook, having a purpose in life, and living in the present moment. Understand: Haterade will annihilate all of the above. Keeping negative people in your life will keep you from being positive, grateful, purposeful, and present. Haters and happiness are like oil and water. They don’t mix, ever. This is why most haters will work hard to keep your from feeling happy, confident, and determined. These people will go to great lengths to bring you down, most often by talking trash, isolating you, stealing your thunder, and keeping you on them. If these methods fail, they will fall back on their most powerful weapon: guilt.

Guilt is a paradox. To be productive, work well with others, and fulfill your purpose in life, you’ll need to live by some sort of moral code. Regardless of what code you choose to live by, you will label some things as “right” and others as “wrong”. When you do something wrong, you will feel guilty. This internal conviction will drive you to correct your mistake, or to hide from it in some way. Most positive and productive people have a strong sense of right and wrong. They also have a can-do mindset. As such, these people are inclined to take action to quickly fix their mistakes and shortcomings. And haters know it. The problem with following a code and operating with a can-do mindset is that negative people will try to use it against you. They will reverse bully you into doing things that distract you from achieving your goal. The only way to keep haters from manipulating you in this way is to learn to differentiate your own internal convictions from external convictions pushed onto you by other people. And the best way to learn how to do this is by looking at the world through a hater’s point of view.

How To Reverse Bully

Success is another word for guilt. In life, it is impossible for anyone to get ahead with completely clean hands. As a hater, it’s your job to point out and punish people who have risen above mediocrity. Rising above requires taking. Triumph requires defeat. If a person has more success, knowledge, talent, skill, opportunity, options, or means than everyone else, it means she has taken something away from the group. In other words, she has stolen from everyone. And she should feel guilty about it. The same is true if this person has more happiness and health in her life. Things like enjoyment, influence, vitality and confidence should also be shared evenly. No one should live a full life until everyone’s life is full. 

With great ability, comes great obligation. The good news is that people who have broken away from the herd can still be controlled. Most individuals who go out on their own to pursue their dreams have a bias for action. This means they will readily take action to fix their mistakes, correct their shortcomings, and solve their problems. It’s your job to make them see their success as a problem. Make them see the advantages they’ve earned as some sort of moral shortcoming. In this way, you can incite them to feel a heavy sense of obligation. Once you’ve generated this heaviness, use it to pull down these go-getters. The key is to act like a victim and paint others as victims. This will help you rouse an atmosphere of duty. After all, no one gets ahead in life on their own. Greatness is propped up by the masses. Without the herd, bringers don’t exist.

Guilt people into a corner. Instead of working to get the things you want in life, guilt other people into getting them for you. For most people, victory and guilt go hand-in-hand. Successful people often feel ashamed of their accomplishments, especially when it comes to making money and improving leadership skills. They feel like imposters. Use these feelings to manipulate their actions. Playing the victim will help you do this. With your victim hat on, remind the person ahead of you that she has more than you, which is why she should do what you say. Understand: need is omnipotent. Your need trumps her ability and achievement. Use her fear of being labeled as a bully to bully her into doing whatever you want. If she dissents, pout or act appalled. If she refuses, whine or start a crusade against her. A high horse will help you keep people under control. It’s far more satisfying for someone to do something for you out of obligation than it is for them to do it out of their own pure inclination. In my next post, I will discuss how to transform negativity into initiative.

You Comment, Isaiah Responds