“With integrity, you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity, you will do the right thing, so you will have no guilt.”
Zig Ziglar (Author & Motivational Speaker, Born to Win)
“Guilt is cancer. Guilt will confine you, torture you, destroy you as an artist. It’s a black wall. It’s a thief.”
Dave Grohl, (Musician, Foo Fighters & Nirvana)
“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”
Erma Bombeck (Author & Columnist, At Wit’s End)
He’d outsmarted them all.
He was a better leader than anyone.
The greatest leader of his time in fact.
He’d rewritten history, conquered extensive lands, established his dominance so utterly that centuries later he is still spoken of with reverence.
On any list of the greatest leaders in history, he is always in the top 10.
Napoleon Bonaparte, the greatest field commander of the post Medieval world, knew his own worth.
He knew and accepted his superiority in his field.
He didn’t hide behind false modesty.
He never felt guilty for being the best.
He never regretted being a winner.
He knew no remorse for his enemies.
But he didn’t underestimate them either.
Instead, Napoleon worked to exploit their weaknesses to advance his cause.
He worked tirelessly to back up his self-confidence with results.
If Napoleon wasn’t as confident as he was, would he be remembered today?
Would he have left his quaint hometown of Corsica?
Would he have become a great military leader?
No—he would have lived and died without recognition.
He would have been a nobody.
Instead, Napoleon trusted himself, believed in his abilities, and rewrote history.
It wasn’t until the end of his reign that Napoleon started to question himself.
He questioned his worth.
He doubted himself.
As a result, Napoleon started overcompensating for his mental weakness.
He mismanaged his priorities and foolishly extended his reach until his fall at Waterloo.
I can think back to many times in my own life when I extended my reach.
When I overcompensated for being under-prepared.
When I overcompensated for not really believing in myself.
Why does this happen?
Why can confidence make or break you, and how much is too much?
Why Confidence Attracts Success And Happiness
Confidence is a magnet for pleasure.
A report in Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin shows that confident people are more desirable partners to the opposite sex.
(I know. Obvious, right?)
Even though some people see overconfidence as arrogance and claim to be less attracted to these overconfident people, they still end up dating overconfident partners more often than unconfident partners
The report also showed that confident people are more likely to intimidate potential rivals, making them even more likely to attract partners of the opposite sex.
In other words, people are attracted to those who aren’t afraid to showcase their talents and achievements.
People are attracted to those who don’t hide.
They’re attracted to those who aren’t ashamed of being better than the rest.
That’s why we remember people like Henry Ford and Steve Jobs, and forget about Frank the middle manager at a paper factory.
But in today’s society, it can seem like false modesty is a virtue.
Instead of showing off your work with confidence and pride, it can seem like you’re supposed to preempt your showcase with “I know it’s not very good, but…”
If you don’t admire your work, why should anyone else?
If you’re not proud of how you spend your time, why should other people acknowledge – let alone celebrate – anything you create during this time?
5 Ways To Sabotage Your Own Self-Confidence
Too many people hold back in life.
Too many people downplay their successes.
They feel guilty for being good, so they stop being good.
They sabotage themselves.
They fail on purpose so others will like them more.
Think of how ridiculous this is.
Acting like a loser is not going to inspire other people to win.
Playing the victim in your life is not going to motivate people to be the hero in their lives.
If you want to be great and if you want to help other people be great, you must be confident in your abilities.
You must be bold.
You must be intentionally guiltless.
If you fail to shift your perspective in this way, you’ll never be successful in life.
You’ll never be happy either.
Instead, you’ll become mentally weaker and weaker until letting other people walk all over you feels normal.
To attract success and achieve happiness avoid these 5 ways people sabotage their self-confidence…
1. Feel guilty when you’re successful.
Some people are better at things than others.
This is a fact of life.
If you’re better than other people at something, don’t be afraid to showcase it.
Likewise, if someone else is better than you at something, let them showcase it.
Never feel bad for being successful and never try to make someone feel bad for being successful.
If you start to feel guilty, or like you should feel guilty, just ask yourself…
Why do I feel guilty?
What am I afraid of?
What did I do wrong?
By answering these questions honestly, you’ll see that your guilt is misplaced.
True success in life is knowing how to own your success.
Anyone can win and feel bad about it.
Anyone can reach the top and then sabotage themselves.
It takes a strong person to say, I’ve earned this and I’m going to enjoy this.
After all, you’re not hurting anyone by winning.
If your competitors or opponents didn’t want to get hurt, they shouldn’t have joined the competition.
Look—in life there will always be winners and losers.
The cream will always rise to the top.
The crap will always sink to the bottom.
Your job isn’t to feel bad about the crap.
Your job is to be the best you can be.
Your job is to lead by example.
By owning your successes, you inspire other people to be successful.
You show other people that—guess what—you aren’t responsible for their happiness.
They’re responsible for their own happiness.
They’re responsible for their own success.
If you have more success than someone else, it just means you were more effective.
It means you put yourself out there.
You took bigger risks.
You worked harder.
Or, you were just in the right place at the right time.
Either way, feeling guilty about it is not going to make you a better person and it’s certainly not going to help the other person feel better.
Don’t ever feel bad for being successful.
If other people can’t handle your success, that’s their problem, not yours.
2. Be afraid of conflict and opposition.
You cannot achieve great things in life without conflict.
The truth is…
The more opposition you have in life, the more you’re headed in the right direction.
Having detractors, haters, and people that seek to bring you down only means you’re doing something right.
Simple, jealous people can’t stand it when someone doesn’t conform to their own stunted idea of what’s normal.
These people will yell and stomp their feet and demand fairness.
They’ll demand that you stop doing so much.
They’ll demand that you give away what you have.
At the same time, they’ll refuse to do any work.
They’ll never climb in life.
Instead, they’ll just work to hold others back.
Like crabs in a bucket, they’ll work to pull everyone down with them.
When people like this start shouting at you, saying that you’re going too fast, flying too high, and making them look bad, don’t get upset.
Don’t try to appease them.
Instead, feel confident.
Feel a sense of knowing.
Now you know you’re on the right path.
Now you know you’re getting somewhere.
It’s not your job to ensure people’s feelings don’t get hurt in the process of achieving your goals.
It’s not your purpose in life to conform to the standards of the masses so everyone around you feels comfortable.
It’s your purpose in life to seize everything you can.
It’s your purpose to create, enjoy, and experience as much as possible.
Don’t ever let small-minded people use emotional blackmail to make you feel bad about achieving your goals.
Instead, use them as a sign you’re doing things right.
Then, cut them out of your life.
Don’t be afraid of conflict.
Lean into it.
Use it as a guidepost.
3. Freely give away your time to others.
Saying “no” is rare in today’s world.
People care too much about being liked.
They’re afraid that saying no to anyone will make them look bad.
This is absurd.
You should never feel bad about saying no.
When you don’t want to do something, say no.
When an obligation is not aligned with your priorities and goals, cancel it.
If someone is pressuring you with manipulative tactics to attend an event, walk away.
Your time is your own.
It’s one of the most precious things you have.
You only have a limited amount of time in life.
No one can grant you more of it.
From now on, you must protect it.
You must learn how to say “no” to other people’s petty requests.
Sure, you should be polite.
Sure, you should be honest.
But you must be firm.
No one is going to protect your time for you and no one is going to give you more time in the future.
Nobody gets a “do-over” in life.
Do it right the first time.
Be proactive in protecting your time and make the most of it.
4. Get defensive when others criticize you.
Much of the criticism you hear in life will be garbage.
This criticism comes from small-minded people who would rather sabotage your success than work to be successful themselves.
When negative people see you as a threat, they’ll criticize you.
When you remind them of their own mediocre lives, they’ll try to bring you down to their level.
Negative, small-minded people hate reminders.
They hate remembering that they could have striven for greatness in life.
They hate realizing that they settled for a life of taking orders and doing what they’re told.
Criticism from negative people is worthless.
At the same time, there is value in listening to constructive criticism from positive and like-minded people.
You can’t be so closed off from the rest of the world that you end up missing out on valuable advice.
After all, success leaves clues.
The question is…
How do you tell the difference between constructive criticism and negative criticism?
Pay attention to the language of the person critiquing you.
Pay attention to their attitude.
Are they coming from a place of curiosity, or a place of jealousy?
Are they trying to gain a better understanding of what you’re doing, or trying to throw you off course?
Are they asking questions that push you to think about solutions, or are they just inundating you with possible problems?
If someone is trying to expand your perspective, listen.
If they’re trying to limit your perspective, ignore them.
Never feel guilty about ignoring negative advice but never excuse yourself from listening to constructive advice.
Instead, work to understand where the advice is coming from and how to use it to your advantage.
5. Be ashamed of your achievements.
When you sit down and play a round of Monopoly with your friends or family, are you ashamed of winning?
Do you hold back to protect everyone else’s feelings from the pain of losing?
Or do you plough forward with excitement, playfulness, and a winning attitude?
Why should playing the game of life be any different?
Too many people try to suppress their competitive desires.
They work really hard to be ashamed of their competitiveness and of their success.
They see shame as a virtue.
This is an awful way to live.
The truth is, you should be proud of your goals.
You should be proud of your achievements in life.
After all, what’s the point of having goals if you feel guilty about accomplishing them?
When you set a goal, whether it’s to put up a hotel on Boardwalk or to start your own business, celebrate it.
When you achieve your goal, celebrate it again.
Don’t ever be ashamed of your achievements.
Life is about striving for greatness.
Life is about relishing your successes.
You should literally sink into your victories, both past and present, reliving them again and again while working to gain new victories.
Winning is fun.
Success is exciting.
Don’t shy away from it.
Don’t feel ashamed for wanting it.
Greatness means something different to each person.
The key is that when you’re focused on achieving your own greatness, you won’t be focused on keeping other people from being great.
Instead of limiting other people, you’ll inspire them to be great.
By enjoying your successes, you’ll give other people permission to enjoy their successes too.
Strive to be great in life, not small. Ignore the bogus criticism of small-minded people who would rather hold you down than lift you up. Never feel bad about working hard to achieve your productive goals. Live without guilt and without shame. Enjoy your victories and never play small just to make others happy. Do this and you’ll live a more confident and focused life. Until next time, live like a lion.
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