“If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?”
William Shakespeare (English Playwright)
“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.”
Marcus Aurelius (Roman Emperor)
“It is not love that should be depicted as blind, but self-love.”
Voltaire (French Philosopher, Writer)
I hate getting dumped.
I really hate breaking up with someone.
Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a friendship that has gone sour, or a working relationship that doesn’t work anymore.
Ending it is hard.
When someone else does the ending, no matter how much I agree with them, I still feel a twinge of anger.
Or maybe it’s jealousy.
Either way, my first instinct is to get back at the other person by lashing out.
This is my brain’s way of balancing my emotions.
I feel a negative emotion so my brain thinks that making someone else feel a negative emotion will result in a clean slate.
The easiest way for my brain to accomplish this is by targeting the person who made me feel the negative emotion.
By getting back at this person, I can get even.
I can restore emotional balance.
Of course, this doesn’t work.
My brain is wrong.
Negativity never cures negativity.
Getting revenge by calling someone else a name or labeling them doesn’t get rid of the negative emotions I’m experiencing — it extends my negative emotions.
In other words, it achieves the exact opposite of what I rationally want to happen.
The Moment You Identify A Narcissist
The key to living a self-reliant, successful, and happy life is to take responsibility for the way you handle everything that happens to you.
Someone may have done something unjust to you, but that doesn’t mean you have to get stuck playing the victim.
One of your friends or relationship partners may have turned out to be a narcissist, but that doesn’t mean you can’t walk away the winner by refusing to give anything else to them.
If you’ve recently identified a narcissist in your life, you may feel like you’ve been used.
You may feel hurt and alone.
You may feel angry and vengeful.
The good news is that you can get revenge on the narcissists in your life.
You can get revenge and better your life at the same time.
The key is to get revenge in a productive way.
Look — you can’t control other people or anything about them.
Some are going to come into your life and only see how you can benefit them.
They look at you like a pawn to get what they want.
They believe they are the best — and for sure, better than you.
Their own self interests and satisfaction are more important than method or fairness.
They’re toxic and true narcissists and they don’t learn or change.
And because of that, it makes us want to get revenge even more.
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
The term narcissist has grown in popularity.
Now, the term is used very generally to describe arrogant and self-indulgent people who lack insight and awareness, with a focus on aggressively getting ahead in life.
The term is also used as a scapegoat by people who love to play the victim in life.
True narcissists account for only 6.5% of the population and exhibit traits such as having a disproportionate sense of self-importance, status, and achievement, with an obsessive need for more, reports the Psychiatric Times.
Narcissistic traits, however, are much more common than a true disorder and not entirely bad.
You read that right, narcissistic traits are not always bad.
The article states:
“Narcissism ranges from healthy and normal to pathological and severely malignant. It is closely related to regulation of self-esteem and emotions and to a sense of control and competence. Narcissism can be a motivating factor and can contribute to exceptional and remarkable accomplishments in higher-functioning people, even when it co-occurs with pathological narcissistic traits and dimensions.”
The overcompensation of self-esteem and lack of control presents in individuals, and can be a coping mechanism, that can motivate and encourage them to excel.
Narcissism is bad when it’s extreme, but it’s usually not extreme.
At modest levels, narcissism can make you more successful.
At high levels, it can make you intolerable.
At very high levels, it can make you delusional and overly aggressive.
True narcissists are difficult to treat psychologically because they lack consistent insight into their deficits.
Other people who merely have some narcissistic traits know they are narcissists, they just don’t care.
The problem for people with narcissistic traits is that they often fail later in life.
In other words, life gets its revenge.
A study published in Personality and Social Psychology measured their level of extraversion and status achievement and found that while narcissists use their traits to advance quickly to positions of status and power, they often fail to keep those positions.
Likely because narcissists score low in popularity (correlating with their being intolerable blowhards).
While they maintain some awareness of this, they choose getting ahead versus getting along, indulging in their over-inflated and distorted sense of self and self-righteousness.
And they are aware of that.
At least some of the time.
Of course, no one should sacrifice achievement to approval from other people and no one should put being liked by others ahead of their personal goals.
True narcissists are not bad for these reasons.
Instead, narcissists are bad because they lie and manipulate others to achieve.
This is what makes getting revenge on a narcissist so provocative… because of how overtly and blatantly manipulative they are.
When people screw you over, your natural instinct will be to balance the scales, even if this balancing can only be done emotionally.
A recent report in Scientific American found that just thinking about revenge activates the reward center of the brain, and releases dopamine similar to drugs and sugary foods.
Revenge brings a flooding thrill — a delight in the idea of staged “karmic payback”.
In a study presented in the American Psychological Association’s Monitor, personality traits of those who seek revenge aren’t that far from the traits of the narcissist they feel might deserve it.
Both narcissists AND people who are vengeful are motivated by power, authority, and the desire for status.
How To Get Revenge On A Narcissist
Revenge in itself is a waste of time.
Studies show that most people seek revenge, not to savor the victory of justice served, but to subconsciously prolong the negative connection and negative experience.
If you want revenge on someone, it’s because you want to prolong negativity.
This is why so many jilted boyfriends and girlfriends rush to call their ex-significant others narcissists and rush to get revenge… because they want to prolong their connection to the other person.
Revenge is a waste of time for another reason.
Revenge energizes narcissists and negative people.
Remember that narcissists and revenge-seekers have a lot in common.
They both feed off of the negative connection brought about by revenge.
So the more you seek revenge, the more power you give to the other person and to your connection with them.
Why not just cut the cord instead?
Why not just walk away?
Trying to exact revenge by trying to teach a narcissist a lesson will only empower them (while belittling you) and bring out more aggression.
A better strategy is to get revenge on narcissists by focusing on yourself. Here’s how…
1. Stop expecting narcissists to care about you.
If you’re confronted with a narcissist in your life, the very first thing you need to do is to stop expecting anything from this person.
Particularly, anything rational.
And, in turn, start expecting more from yourself.
Most of the pain you will ever experience in life is due to your own mismanaged expectations.
Of course, it’s going to hurt when you expect a narcissist to put your needs above theirs and they don’t deliver.
Of course, it’s going to hurt when you expect them to give you the world.
These are unrealistic expectations to begin with.
Don’t be so needy and entitled, lacking as much insight as the narcissist themselves.
Don’t be a hypocrite.
The only cure for your pain is to stop expecting anything from narcissists.
Instead, disengage and see them for who they really are and not who you have imagined them to be.
Take responsibility for your blind spots that let them pass through your filters.
2. Stop relying on narcissists for your happiness.
Once you recognize someone is a narcissist, stop wishing and hoping that they are going to take your happiness into account.
Stop relying on them for your happiness, sense of success, or anything else.
Instead, learn to rely on yourself.
Every time you rely on someone else to make you happy, you’ll be disappointed.
You’ll become a victim in your own life.
You’ll become a whining, sniveling, shell of your former self.
You’ll become someone who blames everyone else for not filling your needs.
In the end, you’ll become miserable because you’re looking to have others fill the void in your life that you should be filling yourself.
It’s a downward spiral that creates habitual dependency and breeds insecurity.
It’s a recipe for unhappiness.
The truth is, no one can make you happy but you.
No one can reach into your brain and force you to feel a sense of happiness.
They can’t experience happiness on your behalf either.
Happiness is a personal decision.
You are the only one in your life who can decide to be happy for you.
3. Actively let go of the narcissists in your life.
It’s not your job to save a narcissist from themselves.
It’s your job to save yourself from a narcissist.
This means walking away from them.
Let them go.
The key is to realize that letting go is an active process.
Letting go means setting goals for yourself.
It means focusing on yourself first for a change.
It means being strict with your attention.
It means protecting your space, time, and mental energy.
Most importantly, it means actively putting aside your need to be the fixer, the rescuer, the control freak of the universe.
People are who they are and you can’t change them.
So stop trying.
If you’re in some kind of relationship with a narcissist, whether it’s a so-called friendship or romantic relationship, you must stop trying to change them.
Instead, you must finally realize that they will not change for you.
In fact, they may never change.
Likely — they WILL never change.
Any time you spend trying to hold up a mirror to show someone they’re a narcissist is a complete waste of time.
It’s a waste of time because no one will ever see themselves as a narcissist.
Sure, they might see that they’ve made a mistake or that they’ve hurt you.
(Maybe, but probably not.)
But they’ll never see that they unjustly made a mistake or that they unjustly hurt you.
They’ll never see themselves as inherently unjust.
They’ll never see themselves as selfish or narcissistic either.
So let them go — actively.
Quit wasting your time trying to get a confession.
Instead, move on with your life.
Make a decision to spend your energy on people who will treat you like a priority, not an option.
People with narcissistic traits are everywhere. They are driven with tunnel vision to manipulate others to gain achievement and status. They are willing to step on anyone to get what they need and win at all costs. They are manipulative and they are never wrong. They will hurt you and disappoint you and it’s never their fault. Not in their mind. There’s no winning with narcissists. There’s no changing them and they won’t ever really understand, let alone change. The best revenge is to get rid of them and get on with your life while focusing on positive and productive changes while you move forward.
To learn more about how to get revenge on a narcissist, and to get instant access to exclusive training videos, case studies, insider documents, and my private online network, get on the Escape Plan wait list.