10 Ways Intelligent People Get Revenge | Dr. Isaiah Hankel | How To Get Revenge On Someone The Proper Way 10 Ways Intelligent People Get Revenge | Dr. Isaiah Hankel | How To Get Revenge On Someone The Proper Way

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10 Ways Intelligent People Get Revenge

How to get revenge on someone | Dr. Isaiah Hankel | How to properly get even with someone“Revenge is never a straight line. It’s a forest, And like a forest it’s easy to lose your way… To get lost… To forget where you came in.” 

Hattori Hanzo (Played by Shin’ichi Chiba in Kill Bill: Vol. 1)

“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

Edmund Burke (Irish Statesman and Former Whig Party Member)

“The enemy of mine enemy is my friend.”

Proverb (Earliest Expression in Sanskrit; 4th Century BC) 


Intelligent people use revenge as a tool.

I used to dream about putting blue dye in my graduate school advisor’s shampoo. He had a big thing for his hair and I thought this would be the best way for me to get revenge on him for not letting me graduate. Of course this was pure fantasy and thinking about it was childish, but it did make me feel better. The ironic thing was that my desire to get revenge was one of the things that kept me in graduate school. The worse my advisor treated me, the more I wanted to get my degree despite him. Why?

There was this guy from Rutgers University who I wrestled my sophomore year of college. He destroyed me. Worse still, he was the antithesis of everything I stood for in terms of wrestling. I had an offensive style and was big on heavy training and usually won by getting people tired in the final period. He had a defensive style, trained lightly, and usually won by racking up a big lead in the first period and then stalling the match out. After losing, I promised myself that I would win if I ever faced him again. I even put a newspaper clipping of him in my gym locker to keep me motivated. At the end of my senior year, we wrestled again and I won. It felt good for about 5 minutes but then I felt kind of sad, like something was missing. I never understood why I felt that way.

A Dish Best Served Carefully

Thinking about revenge stimulates a region of the brain called the dorsal striatum, which becomes active when you anticipate pleasure or some kind of reward like sex, making money, or eating good food. But exacting revenge, or actually getting back at someone, is a different story. Studies show that while most people believe revenge will make them feel better, in reality, it does the opposite.

In one experiment, participants were divided up into punishers who could get revenge on someone who double-crossed them during a game and non-punishers who could only think about getting revenge on those who double-crossed them. Both punishers and non-punishers rated their feelings immediately after the game, as well as 10 minutes later. Punishers felt worse than non-punishers, despite getting the chance to take their revenge. And punishers continued to feel worse at the 10 minute time point. In some cases, the punishers remained so distracted by their feelings that they were unable to focus on the next game.

Good ways to get revenge on somebody | Dr. Isaiah Hankel | How to get your revenge subtlely

10 Intelligent Ways To Get Revenge

Getting revenge may not make you feel better, but sometimes it’s necessary. There will be times in life when you have to stick up for what’s right and call people out on their attempts to take advantage of you. When these people go too far, it’s up to you to reset their boundaries. No one else is going to do it for you.

In the book Beyond Revenge: The Evolution of the Forgiveness Instinct, author and psychology professor Michael McCullough explains that revenge serves an evolutionary purpose. By exacting revenge, you make a person’s gains less profitable, which helps prevent them from hurting you in the future.

McCullough also explains that revenge becomes even more important when other people have witnessed you being mistreated because, in this case, there’s a chance that others will learn that you are the type of person who puts up with mistreatment. The key is to get revenge intelligently, without getting overly defensive and without getting distracted from your overall purpose in life. Here are 10 ways intelligent people get revenge:

1. Speak through your work.

The best way to get revenge is to stay supremely rational. Don’t let your emotions dictate your actions. And don’t make revenge personal. Getting emotional and personal will distract you and cause you to do things that you’ll feel bad about later. Instead, make it professional.

Operate as if getting revenge is a business decision. Someone has affected the cost-benefit ratio of your life and now you need to move a chess piece to prevent them from taking more from you in the future. The best way to do this is to put a spotlight on their behavior. But again, be professional.

Write a review about them online. Use them as an example in a professional article, book, or speech. Create a URL with their name and use it to report their devious actions. Just make sure you’re honest and that it’s actually worth your effort.

2. Get transparent.

Most people hate conflict. But, at the same time, most people have aggressive desires. So, these people have learned to go underground and attack others passively.

In life, there are those who will talk about you behind your back, promise support that never comes, or get others to attack you on their behalf. The best revenge against these kinds of passive aggressive actions is transparency.

Don’t try to hide the conflict you’re involved in. Instead, showcase it. Talk about your faults and your conflicting feelings. Use what you’re going through to teach others. This kind of vulnerability does not come easy. It takes practice. The more you practice being transparent and authentic, the better you position yourself against others who want to attack you.

In any battle, the person who can be the most vulnerable, without losing their position, will win.

3. Grow your network.

When you get attacked, especially by someone close, one of your first instincts will be to isolate yourself. You’ll feel depressed and unsure of who you can trust. You’ll start to put up walls. This is always mistake.

Isolating yourself after an attack just opens you up to further attacks. It’s like retreating further and further into a castle that’s already been invaded. A better strategy is to move straight into the forces coming against you. Go into the obstacle, not around it.

Instead of turning away from people, open yourself up to them. Talk with your friends and family members, and make new friends. Build up your connections. The more connections you have, the more lines of communication you have. And communication is a critical component of winning any battle.

4. Hijack their focus.

The worst thing about other people doing you wrong is that they can get inside your head and hijack your focus. And once they’re in your head, fighting against them is like fighting against yourself.

The best way to get someone out of your head is to redirect both your focus and their focus. As it stands, you’re thinking about how they wronged you and they’re thinking about how you might respond to them directly. So, get indirect. Go above them or create an ally with one of their enemies.

This is what I had to do to get out of graduate school. I set up a meeting with the dean of the graduate school who then called my advisor to ask him about the situation. Suddenly, my advisor’s attention went from how he could win against me to how he could protect himself from further scrutiny. Two weeks later he told me I could graduate.

If an individual or a business is treating your poorly, go above them. Send an email or a letter to their boss or to the company’s CEO or VP. This will shift their attention from battling against you to protecting themselves from someone else.

5. Hire them.

Imagine someone is blatantly taking advantage of you and you turn around to give them a gift, or get them a job, or ask them for advice. Who becomes the powerful one in this scenario? Who becomes the petty one?

Doing something good for someone who wrongs you is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of intelligence. Turning the other cheek diffuses other people’s power. It sharpens the contrast between you and them, highlighting their negative actions against your positive response. It also has a stupefying effect that allows you to peer deeply into how these people think and what they really want.

6. Create a void.

When someone gets one over on you, your first reaction will be to get one over on them. You’ll want to seek justice by holding a mirror up to their face to showing them why they are wrong. This is a complete waste of time.

No one thinks they’re wrong, at least not right away. By immediately retaliating against someone, you add energy to the situation and strengthen their resolve against you. You also expose your position.

A better strategy is to sit on your hands and let things marinate. This is especially true when someone attacks you online. Don’t show any signs of weakness or distress. Instead, slowly phase yourself out of the situation. Then, wait to see how others respond. Create a void and see what fills it. This will give you perspective and help you gain clarity over how you can best use this situation to your advantage.

7. Create a fog.

Start seeing people coming against you as a gift. At least now you know where they stand. And once you know where they stand, you can start misdirecting their next steps.

There are a lot of people in life who will want to hold you back from getting what you want. They’ll want to hold you back, not because they want what you want, but because your growth and your gain highlights their inactivity. When you come against people like this, simply note who they are and avoid telling them anything personal in the future. Without knowing who you really are and what you really want, these people won’t know how to hold you back.

8. Get in shape.

One of the first things people do after a tough relationship break up is start working out. Why?

People who work out 2-3 times a week are more emotionally intelligent, make better decisions, and maintain more balanced hormone levels. Plus, if you look great and feel great, who cares what else happens to you?

Your health is worth more than all the money or power in the world, which is why increasing it is such a great way to get revenge. It supersedes everything in life but is often taken for granted. So, when you get in shape, you highlight those against you who are not in shape, while also reaping all of the health benefits that come with it.

9. Start a business.

Making something happen for yourself is the best revenge. People coming against you has a way of making you feel out of control.

Sometimes it can seem like the whole world is trying to hold you back. But this is just an illusion. In reality, very few people are concerned with you. Everyone is too busy trying to better their own lives, and rightfully so. The best way to get back at a world that won’t support you, so to speak, is to build something on your own.

Learn the art of self-reliance. Show initiative. Launch a business, form a partnership, or start a non-profit. Don’t overthink it, just start it and see where it takes you.

10. Turn it into your WHY.

The desire to get revenge is a powerful, motivating force. What a shame it would be to waste it. That nagging feeling you get when someone mistreats you is really your best friend. The problem is that most people want to fix this nagging feeling when they should be using it as an itch to improve their lives.

Study after study shows that revenge, once exacted, is not sweet. It’s the process of plotting revenge that lights up the reward centers of our brains. So, use this to your advantage. Turn your desire to get revenge over those who wronged you into a strong reason WHY — a reason to grow and to keep taking action to bigger and bigger goals.

If you enjoyed this article, order my book: Black Hole Focus: How Intelligent People Can Create A More Powerful Purpose For Their Lives.


You Comment, Isaiah Responds

  • Nic Price

    What a great look on revenge! It makes me stop and really think about ways I’ve gotten revenge and how I probably should have done them differently! Can’t wait for the book!

    • http://isaiahhankel.com/ Isaiah Hankel, Ph.D.

      We often let emotions take over us when we take revenge. The key is to stay rational and level headed.

  • LivingCatholic

    Isaiah, thanks for this wonderful advice. It covers every angle and leads to the power of forgiveness. I often refer my therapy/coaching clients to your blog. Also, very timely as I have a nagging issue that this hit right on the head! Looking forward to your book.

    • http://isaiahhankel.com/ Isaiah Hankel, Ph.D.

      Wow, thanks for the referrals, I am glad you enjoy the blog. Let me know how your situation works out.

  • James McCracken

    Every week I am more and more pleased at the quotations you find to start off articles. I like the idea of creating a fog. Give them nothing to grab.

    • http://isaiahhankel.com/ Isaiah Hankel, Ph.D.

      I appreciate it James. And yes, creating a fog is extremely effective.

  • http://www.linkedin.com/pub/colin-white-ph-d/51/5b4/469 Colin White, Ph.D.

    Excellent discussion on revenge. As I was reading it, I thought of the time I had tied up personally plotting how to “pay people back”. What a waste. I now subscribe to the philosophy of “getting on with the job”. Showing you can do it, and often do it better, is much more rewarding in the long run.

    • http://isaiahhankel.com/ Isaiah Hankel, Ph.D.

      Awesome point Colin. Getting the job done and making things happen for yourself will boost your confidence and self-esteem. It’s also is a great way to get subtle revenge against your enemies.

  • Michael Smith

    Great point on growing your network as an offensive move. Whilst it may be difficult to do – and perhaps feel uncomfortable – it’s certainly the right move.

    • http://isaiahhankel.com/ Isaiah Hankel, Ph.D.

      Thanks Michael. Communication is key and growing your network opens up more avenues to communicate.

  • Bill

    Great article, Isaiah. Very interesting info on the studies on plotting revenge as opposed to executing. But, as Colin White said, just “getting on with the job,” is the bets method. Perfect timing for me, on this one! Thank you!

    • http://isaiahhankel.com/ Isaiah Hankel, Ph.D.

      Thanks, I am glad you enjoyed it Bill. You are correct that “getting on with the job” is always a good course to take. Making things happen is revenge enough sometimes.

  • Matthew Hanson

    Definitely a topic you do not see every day, so I like it. I think #7
    (Creating A Fog) is extremely effective and easy to do. Too many people
    want to tear you down by discrediting your dreams. By not sharing
    your goals and passions, you take any ammo that they have away. Without ammo, nobody can attack you.

  • HAV

    Isaiah you are a genius and now I am smarter.

    • http://isaiahhankel.com/ Isaiah Hankel, Ph.D.

      Haha, thanks for reading HAV.

    • Amy VanZandt

      iĺl be sure to get back on anyone i want with revenge >:)

  • Elizabete De Lima

    Excellent points Isaiah!
    I see that in some situations, this as a type of bullying in a small way. If a person seens to be going out of their way to “put you down” to “get at you” then they are truly feeling insignificant in some way.
    Befriending them is a great method to settle your emotions as well as helping them (even if they don’t see it at first).
    One statement that is have learned is “never underestimate someone for who they are now, because you will never know who they will become when they find themselves.”
    And you’re so right on number 6: create a void. You’re just adding fuel to the fire if you turn around and attack them.

    • http://isaiahhankel.com/ Isaiah Hankel, Ph.D.

      I love that saying Elizabete, thank you. You’re exactly right about befriending your enemies. It can be beneficial to both people down the road.

    • KiKa Jordan

      Excellent point!

  • Garett Manion, PharmD

    Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I think you turn the other cheek as you said in point #5. Keep them close and build their trust. Then, when and if you still want revenge, it will be that much sweeter. Thanks Isaiah.

    • http://isaiahhankel.com/ Isaiah Hankel, Ph.D.

      Haha, exactly. The sweeter the revenge, the better.

      • Alkan23

        I think Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power and The Art of Seduction hold some of the biggest keys to getting a satisfying revenge that keeps your hands clean.

        After reading those books, I read through your post and found it almost entirely consistent with the tone of those books.

        I also agree that the point of revenge really should only be to set boundaries for yourself and/or others whom who care about- anything beyond that is going to be self-destructive and is only a sign of pettiness.

        Going out of your way to exact a petty revenge is a sure way to stay weak, powerless, and unhappy.

    • Erianna Endurance Bogda

      I recently lost everything. I have been in a loving relationship for 5 yrs. My boyfriend was perfect. We were best friends. We were mentally matched. We inspired each other in our creative endeavors. We had great chemistry. It felt like we lived in a safe nest away from the harshness of the world. Our one issue was a difference in sex drives. he wanted it all the time and i rarely ever did. A lot of my self worth and the way I give and receive love is tied up in physical validation. We struggled with this issue as one of our only fights over the course of 3-4 yrs. I have begged and pleaded for him to work with me on this. He has told me it’s what I need for happiness and security. He have experienced so much frustration and rejection over this. The last few months He cheated on Me. 3 times, with one person. She is someone from his past that he used to fool around with. There was no romance, no love, no plan to leave. Just sex out of frustration and anger and an addiction to the feeling of being desired.(He is 31 and in His prime and am starting to think He would never experience that again.) He told me last week. At first i seemed calm and slightly compassionate. I left for work and said I needed time to think. He massaged me the next day saying he wasn’t ready to talk face to face yet but that he would let me know when he was. 5 days passed and no word. I asked If we could speak. He sent me an email. It outlined all of his feelings around the betrayal, even acknowledgement of my part in rejecting him. Then at the end he broke up with me and said he didn’t want me to contact him and he didn’t want a tearful goodbye. I was devastated. Hysterical, inconsolable. The love of my life wouldn’t even hear me out, or apologize to my face or consider my forgiveness. We were so much more than that. Now I was dealing with abandonment and regret. I just wanted to be with him but he won’t respond. Until i got in touch with Prophet Akin and he helped me pray for my relationship and in two days, my lover came back to me begging me to take him back and i forgave him and now we are very happy together with love and trust. Please get in touch with him also for any marital problem or anything on (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com) thanks so much Prophet 🙂

  • Ken White

    Bottom line, get over it and prove them wrong. Great blog, Isiah and well written.

    • http://isaiahhankel.com/ Isaiah Hankel, Ph.D.

      Exactly. Thanks for engaging Ken.

    • ADBomb

      As someone trying to recover from a covert narcissistic cycle of abuse/control, games and manipulations, while legally smearing me through the mud, not to mention my reputation/turning some of my family against me, nothing sounds more satisfying to me than revenge.
      Why? Because the legal system does not have adequate measures for defending victims of emotional/mental/financial abuse. The legal system tends to focus on the obvious forms of abuse, ie, physical.
      After the intense psychological and emotional abuse, I see taking the law into my own hands as my only means of feeling empowered. Yes, I have done the self-work, but until this person pays for their actions, I don’t believe I can ever let it rest, and no, I don’t feel guilty about it. But I do agree with your philosophy of exacting revenge intelligently.

  • Matt Giulianelli

    I 100% agree that when people overstep their boundaries and try to take advantage, it’s time to call them out. When thinking about revenge, it’s hard not to get emotional, but I think it’s great that you pointed out in #1 to stay rational. Make it about business. As Herb Cohen says about getting too emotional, “when you get doped up you get dumbed down”.

    • http://isaiahhankel.com/ Isaiah Hankel, Ph.D.

      It is natural to get emotional about taking revenge. If it wasn’t
      emotional, it would be a waste of time and effort. As you said, the key
      is to stay rational. Have a purpose for your actions and know what you
      want to get from them.

  • Clete Hanson

    Great article. Great topic. I’m glad you highlight the fact that “revenge, once exacted, is not sweet,” it’s really not. The why factor though, that’s what I do with revenge…what a powerful motivator.

  • Tc Imes

    Cool topic. Very interesting. It’s so true that the feeling of exacting revenge is one of the greatest motivators I have ever experienced. And yet, once realized, it doesn’t hold a candle to what I had imagined it would be like. Kind of like watching a movie after reading the book.

  • Kirk Shelley

    My ex-wife is forever trying to get revenge for what she see’s as past wrongs from our years together. I try to keep following my attorneys advise — the best revenge is to have fun and live a rich, full life. Though it helps that I work in election politics and my revenge itch gets scratched because elections are all about extracting revenge on your political enemies.

  • Shruti Karna Lautner

    Your enemy’s enemy is your friend…Timing is very important all the enemies together attack is the best.

  • Sven Svenson


  • ml

    It’s not often I come across such a thought provoking, real article.
    Great advice!

  • Heidi

    Thank you. This article brought me around from being so wrapped up in my negativity and hatred to thinking more clearly.

    • KaayC


  • Rabia Khan

    I just checked this blog and kind of find it useful but problem with me is that I’m not in speaking terms with my enemies(Once my best friends) because I want to stay away from them and their negativity. But they still bother me, tease me in different ways to annoy me. What should I do? I just can’t think of an escape. HELP!

  • nish K

    but wat if u fucked up n went all wrong on D network step n its more than high time!
    wat if u isolated urself too much ??? how to make a come bck and win D WAR?

    • mrcanada976

      Start by learning grammar and spelling dude.

    • Crystal Howard

      Yes, definitely start with an elementary English class.

      • Kevin Nguyen

        This is the internet fucking racist retard. STFU And EAT Your Burgers

        • Crystal Howard

          Pardon me. I was unaware that the use of proper grammar was excused on the Internet…a place where things are primarily in written form. However, I will commend you on your highly intelligent “comeback” of calling me both “racist” and a “retard”. You must be especially proud of yourself despite the fact that neither of those could be drawn from my original comment. And since you don’t personally know me, you can’t know if either of those things are actually true. This clearly means your attempt at insulting me was born of pure upset and ignorance. You must realize that this drastically lowers the impact of hurled insults and now makes you appear deeply pathetic. I’m sorry you’ve done that to yourself, sir. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to enjoy some burgers as you so kindly suggested. Have a wonderful day.

          • Kevin Nguyen

            Spoken like a true redneck. Clearly the level of your personality speak for it’s self.

          • Crystal Howard

            Oh, “redneck” now? Yet another attempt at an insult with no factual basis. Here’s a tip: if you want to truly insult someone, go after things that are true rather than resorting to elementary schoolyard name calling.

            And thank you, the “level” of my personality does speak for itself. I appreciate you noticing.

          • Kevin Nguyen

            Funny how you think you’re so smart. Probably poor while having a sad life. Judging by your picture, You can’t even smile correctly without making it looking like a mug shot. lol

          • Crystal

            I’m sorry you’re so judgemental, Kevin. Often times people resort to the judgement of others to avoid looking within themselves and recognizing their own downfalls. I hope you’re able to get past this someday and learn to be a nice person that doesn’t feel the need to hurl baseless, childish insults at random strangers on the internet because you feel inferior and intimidated. Maybe try reading Dr. Isaiah Hankel’s book to start. Take care and please, try to have a good day, Kevin.

  • Hdudu

    Did anyone buy your book? This article was full of grammar errors. I doubt your ability as a professional writer.

  • Mel

    I had the misfortune to have close contact with someone who is at the centre of her social circle, she dominates everyone she knows with underhand manipulation. As someone who was raised by a manipulative controlling father i had no intention of becoming another one of her group. I had already witnessed several otherwise decent people turn mean with her influence. As a result i have suffered five years of her and her friends using anything they could to get at me anyway they could until it culminated in me being assaulted by a man she had manipulated. At which point i suffered with anxiety and without any hard evidence of her involvement i have no way to stop this. I have a conscience and have always believed in doing as little harm to others as is humanly possible and she perceives my lack of ruthlessness as weakness. I dont want to go through this again but dont want to spend my life hiding to protect myself from people like her. Ive never had a large group of friends but until this i was friendly with almost everyone. Maybe someone can help me make sense of where i go from here. My anxiety is better and im looking to start moving forward in my life but i have to be bullet proof because i cant let anyone bring me down so far ever again.

    • Peter c

      All this softly softly approach does not work. If a person has assaulted you go see a PI, they know people who know people. Have them chat to the coward who assaulted you and the person who is the root cause of the problem. These people that have caused your problems are cowards and some tough talking professional person you could hire can make it all go away for you.

  • Hank Welsch

    Or you could piss in their gas tank.

    • Amy Mousey Rouse

      lol True.

      • Pete P.

        If they have a good lawyer that knows his/her way around the justice system, how much cash do you think you have vs. what will you liquidate to cover damage claims for engine damage, fuel system component replacement, perhaps an accident if the vehicle stalled in the middle of a freeway…?

        I think you missed the main message of the article.

        • Amy Mousey Rouse

          My comment was 2 years ago. I can’t even remember what I said… People can change in 2 years. Think you’re a bit late there, buddy.

          • Pete P.

            Some comments are timeless. Still, change is good… if it’s for the better.

          • Crystal Howard

            Luckily, comments on the Internet never die AND they’re written so if you’ve forgotten what you’ve said, you can simply scroll up. How handy, this modern day technology is, no?

        • Crystal Howard

          Using your brain to reply to a comment with logic on the Internet. Impressive, sir. I shall file this in with Big Foot, the Yeti and the Loch Ness monster. Well done.

  • Rice Jonas

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    the females were very brilliant in school and always come out in top position.
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    Uwadia Amenifo, and i explained my son’s problem to him so he assured me that
    he can help me boost my son’s IQ and he will become the best student in his
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    herbal mixture which i believe was highly spiritual, and sent it to me. He gave
    me instructions on how my son is to take the herbal mixture. So i followed his
    instructions saliently and behold as i speak now my son is the best student in
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    the promise i made to Doctor Uwadia Amenifo that immediately he can do it for
    me and my son becomes intelligent, i will testify to the world about him, and that
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    on his cell (+2349052015874)…

  • Jane Blondie

    revenge makes you feel good and makes the people who caused bad things to know they should not do that in the future because you revenge for example

    some people hire gang members to beat up to revenge.. ex. there are sites like Besa Mafia, google it, on deep web, where you can hire gang members to beat up

    a visitors needs Tor Browser to view the site, it doesn’t work with other browsers

  • Human Tragedy

    I simply get 10 foam sponges, tie them into small balls spray starch, let dry and flush…drain companies get $$$ to clear the issue.

  • libbilee

    you’re pathetic. why don’t you just admit you are a wimp

  • hd762345klcwfe

    the most intelligent thing is to forgive people instead of making them feel bad too

  • Linda Deschênes

    Excellent article. Though I’m not sure to isolate and do a good job.. is that too passive.. and thus allow ppl to walk over me. Or plot several subtle revenges until i feel the mistreatment is returned. I like the idea of turning your angry into strength/motivation.

  • Bill Waxer

    Such bullshit. Vengeance is the calling of the gods. Lucifer the giver of light and knowledge has given us vengeance so that we may inflict it upon our oppressors. Vengeance is food for life. Blood is the nectar of death. Death to the oppressor!!!!

  • Sean Coast

    Yeah, Steven and Laura Jessup and party at 1125 Paradise Lane in Ashland, Oregon tried to jump me one day at the water shed when they were drunk. They’re crazy and assholes and I want justice as they snugly laugh so I know what you mean. Someday, someone will bring them to justice.

  • Amy Mousey Rouse

    These are some really interesting points. I am a person who holds grudges and I get angry easily. I think I could pull off some of these though and will in future if someone wrongs me again. This is a very interesting post and you make a lot of excellent points! Thank you for this. 🙂 I think plotting revenge does keep me going and it’s a good use of imagination. And definitely better to be sneaky or to just think about it, rather than doing anything rash.

  • http://isaiahhankel.com/ Dr. Isaiah Hankel

    Great message KiKa, thanks for sharing.

  • Sana Santhir Tahir

    Hello Dr. Hankel. I was wondering if you had any tips for lingering thoughts. Say someone wronged you and you can’t get it out of your head. What would be the best method to calm down and ‘think rationally’?

  • Clayton F. Kisela Jr.

    An ex friend of mine friended me only to manipulate and use my weaknesses to join a religious cult. I briefly joined the religious cult but i knew what his intention where. I exposed him on everything that he did wrong. he lived a double life. He got me a job (after reading this article I assume as revengue, he oviously read the same article) i quit the church, because they brainwashed me and tried to make me conform to their rules. Of community. The wount allow me to eat until I repented my dirty sin. So my friend told me he could no longer be my friend. My ex friend told HR that he told me not to contact him. All I did was day hi cause he was causing emotional abuse. I spoke with HR told them of his manipulative control tachtics. And in the end I turned it around with my studies in psychology. Again like the church everyone loved him and at work. Well lets just say he curses the day he met me. i still have my job despite him being in management. not to worry he gave his 2 weeks notice.

  • eola

    I am a quiet, thoughtful person (as well as physically small) so when someone starts poking at me or attempting to intimidate me subtly or not so subltly, they believe I will do nothing. They’re right, I usually don’t immediately react. This comes from growing up as the family scapegoat; I had no power. But from this power comes great strength and power. I sit back and watch. If this is a group-dynamic thing, it’s usually a power play. The person doing it thinks I’m so quiet, kind, and timid I won’t do anything. Eventually I bring it up with almost everyone in the group. Because I have physical attractiveness, financial assets, education, world travel, etc., I know it can cause envy. But I downplay these things and find myself hurt by those who compete, as I am not competitive by nature. Eventually I calmly and succinctly confront the person. Sometimes my words (no swearing or yelling) are devastating. They have become complacent and think they know their victim. Bullies operate from a set formula and are creatures of routine. Upending the cart freaks them out completely. Usually they flee. Weeks, months or even years can go by before I do it. By then I’ve quietly told everyone what this person has been doing to me. This is my ‘revenge,’ if you can even call it that. I call it patience. Sometimes you don’t even need to do anything. I am an older person now, and eventually bullies run out of friends, family, and employment all on their own. Almost always things eventually come out in the wash, as we used to say. I love frozen deserts.

  • Jacob Cavinder

    The best revenge is no revenge. The best revenge is to show them you have moved on and your life is better without them in it and move on. As a former victim of severe child abuse I can tell you its the best way. People who abuse you want power over you and when you make them powerless it angers them more than anything. ANYTHING!!!

    • Joel WS

      To summarize what you’re saying, “Success is the best revenge.”

  • Tracy Steel

    Isaiah – thank you so much for this. My mom and family hurt me bad and this helped me alot. I really thnk you

  • Thomas Staab

    Incivility is at an all time high. Rudeness is high, morality is low. What great culture survives that?

  • Joel WS

    I’ll get back at you for making me give you my email for access to this article. Hey, I’m learning already!

  • Nathan Igo Jr.

    Hello good sir, I need some help. I’m taking a video game design class and he keeps putting me in a spot of the class that is away from the classroom. He keeps saying that I’m distracting and we’re about to do evaluations. However, I’ve proven that I do not even attempt to distract during important things. He’s starting to piss me off. What should I do?

  • Capt Jack Sparrow

    Well written… hate is like drinking poison and waiting for your enemy to die!!!

  • Capt Jack Sparrow

    I smile when insulted. I’m nice and joke on the outside, because on the inside Im not!!!

  • Capt Jack Sparrow

    Revenge is not a game of checkers, but a game of chess!!! The next move always belongs to the one who waits. How empowering it is to to let ones adversary feel a level of comfort that they are in a place beyond another humans reach when their very existence is permitted by those with whom they are despised ! True power is the ability to inflict pain… The more pain one can extract from an opponent, the more powerful the adversary becomes…..until…………..


      some well spoken words of wisdom, Capt Jack

  • mrcanada976

    The best revenge is to reveal. Sunlight fries darkness.
    Simply reveal the wrongdoing, your side of the story – first – and then sit back with popcorn and watch.
    Usually someone who is screwing others around is someone who really cares about what others think of them.
    When others question their activities or actions, they are weakened. If you do this then they are strengthened. It is not politics, or trying to be everyone’s best friend. It is simply about revealing the wrongdoing in a way that makes sense to any common person. You can’t bullsh*t them on this, you have to be telling the truth.
    You can also do what was mentioned in the article, and redirect the enemies attention to a bigger and badder enemy that they cannot defeat.

    An example: There is this jackwagon tug boat operator at a dock I had my boat moored at. He kept moving my boat away to inconvenience me. Obviously if I took the ferry to that dock and he moved it 300 yards or 1 nm away, I couldn’t get to my boat and it was a major inconvenience. He figured he had me by the nads and in no uncertain terms told me to never dock there again.

    Well this guy is operating a semi-commercial tug service off a public access dock. Once I got my boat back (technically stolen), I contacted the police and the dock operator. I also contacted the local community person thanking them for assisting me in finding someone who could get me to my boat to recover it. Then I told the community person that I had contacted the police and the dock operator.

    The dock operator said he would be shutting the entire operation down, making things more formal because he didnt much like the liability of local residents making up their own rules and moving peoples boats around on a whim.

    Now Mr. Tug guy is afraid his business is f**ked. Now he has bigger fish to fry. His three small tugs should never have been there in the first place. Now he has to move them and face the same problem I face – lack of proper moorage – and he is commercial which makes this job harder. Nobody could claim a fleet of three tugboats is for “pleasure use”, that’s rediculous.

    Now I sit back and eat popcorn, waiting. My boat is at another dock, chained and locked to a piling. Anyone who moves that boat is obviously stealing. I’ll go back to the other dock when I hear back from the operator as to what rights he has exercised and what the *actual* rules of the dock are. Let me tell you, $2 million in third party liability for three tugs costs a lot more than one pleasure craft; probably money he doesn’t have because he’s been off the grid. They will require commercial insurance, commercial operators license, and that marina will definitely enforce it.

    This is force multiplied that I am first nations and it is a dock owned by first nations – and he is not first nations.

    He awoke the sleeping dragon, and now he will pay. I dont need to threaten him or vandalize his boats or move his crap. I’ll just give him a bigger stronger better enemy to deal with that he will be on his knees to satisfy. That will teach him for his arrogant attitude.

  • Amir Khan

    Best way to revenge… Promote ur abilities that’s a best revenge

  • Amir Khan

    If u think u no more prior then its better to leave them alone.

  • bien meself

    I Read this whole article and it was a whole bunch of ways to get out of enacting revenge. I’d rather be that alligator in the top of your page and sneak Up unexpected months or years after the event and enact my revenge and they won’t know where it came from.


      me too bien myself!!!!! me too!! why do we always have to accept any and all fuckery that is handed to us by “befriending” your enemy and all that other bullshit? some people just need to be taught a real strong-ass lesson, and, uh, I’m pretty, pretty sure I’ll feel just fine when that happens.

  • Portia

    For myself it is tiring to be the victim of spite and immaturity contstantly. My roommate is a disrespectful thief and I’ve hated her for a long time. She constantly comes into my room and does who knows what but go through my things. I’m tired of being her victim. Please tell me how to handle this besides my urge to result to physical violence

  • EK Blackwell

    “Doing something good for someone who wrongs you is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of intelligence.” No, it rewards them for terrible behavior. Think about it: one friend of yours is loyal and supportive. the other ruins your reputation in your industry and steals business of yours. You give the latter a reward and the former gets nothing for staying with you. It’s not even the Prodigal Son example since he came back to the father with an apology. You’re chasing after your new enemy shouting let me give you a reward!

  • Nick

    “Do good in your life”.

    Screw that. This is advice from a wuss.

  • https://twitter.com/prattleonboyo Prattle On, Boyo

    I always kill enemies with kindness and otherwise play completely dumb and oblivious, letting them think exactly what they want so that they become so_very_overconfident, they don’t notice the pen sticking out of their carotid when I strike. Priceless: The look on the face of an enemy as he realizes he’s been had.


    Those tatics are a bunch of limp wristed sissy man ploys for people that work in offices. You want a real world Revenge just set your enemy on fire. He’ll learn his lesson, lesson being you don’t fuss with the guy who sets you on fire. If you really want revenge, take from a person something they love like their mother or their wife you can arrange for some inner-city Thug that will violate them any number of ways for $100 worth of crack, unless they’re particularly niggerish then $20 a crack will get it done. Not cruel enough you say…well you are a sick puppy. If you want to cause somebody some anguish and pain you can always go after their children, what’s that your son has a deadly peanut allergy, I didn’t know they were peanut butter cookies whoops. I thought about kidnapping a fellow, hog-tying him and knocking him out with chloroform or something of the like and then putting it in a container and shipping the fool to a foreign land a real xhit hole like anywhere in Africa, lol.

  • Judge K

    Useless article.