5 Tips For Staying True To Yourself And More Assertive In Relationships | Dr. Isaiah Hankel | Stop Compromising 5 Tips For Staying True To Yourself And More Assertive In Relationships | Dr. Isaiah Hankel | Stop Compromising

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5 Tips For Staying True To Yourself And More Assertive In Relationships

how to stay true to yourself | Dr. Isaiah Hankel | stop compromising in relationships

“A self-willed man obeys a different law, the one law I too hold absolutely sacred – the human law in himself, his own individual will.”

Bruce Lee (Martial Artist, Actor & Philosopher, Striking Thoughts)

“If you set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything, at any time, and you would achieve nothing.”

Margaret Thatcher (Former Prime Minister of Great Britain)

Don’t compromise yourself.  You’re all you’ve got.”

Janis Joplin (Singer & Grammy Award Winner)


Harriet Chalmers Adams was born during a time when women didn’t travel on their own.

She could have easily let this and other “rules” dictate her life.

She could have taken the easy road, and let society dictate her identity for her.

She could have just tried to fit in.

If she would have compromised herself and stayed home where others thought she belonged, she would have never traveled the world and created the Society of Women Geographers.

Instead, Harriet decided to be bold.

She decided to be assertive. 

She decided NOT to be a passive home-maker.

That just wasn’t her.

Harriet never compromised herself.

As a result, she soon became known as “America’s Greatest Woman Explorer.”

But she would have never been able to accomplish this if she had let others dictate what was possible for her life.

If she had folded to the pressure of society, she would’ve never traveled the world.

She would have never blazed a new path for people like herself.

How did Harriet have the strength to stand up for herself?

What was her secret strategy?

It’s simple…

Harriet accomplished great things because she refused to compromise on herself.

She refused to compromise on her goals.

People get asked all the time to give up their dream to please someone else.

Don’t compromise yourself for anyone who wants you to stay mediocre or who wants to stay mediocre themselves.

If you can’t be yourself and go after your goals with your current friends, relationship partners, or even family members, you must go after them on your own.

Don’t ever throw away your own goals for someone else.

At the end of the day, you are responsible for your life.

You should never have to give up any part of yourself to make someone else happy.

How To Be Assertive When It’s Easier To Stay Quiet

Compromising on yourself makes you weak and anxious.

A recent study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that people who let their decision-making be compromised by others were more likely to be anxious about their decisions later.

That’s right…

Compromisers were more likely to develop long-term anxiety.

The people who did not have their decisions compromised, on the other hand, did not suffer the same long-term anxiety.

Here’s the coolest part—non-compromisers did not develop anxiety regardless of whether or not their decision turned out to be right or wrong. 

Don’t ever give up control of your own situation to anyone else.

Don’t ever give up control over your own life to anyone else.

Look—everybody makes bad decisions.

You can’t let the fear of making a bad decision make you reliant on someone else.

You can’t keep manipulators and negative people in your life just because you want them to support your decisions.

Instead, you must stand up for yourself.

You must make your own decisions.

how to be more assertive in relationships | Dr. Isaiah Hankel | setting proper boundaries in relationships

5 Strategies For Staying True To Yourself 

Making your own choices in life, even if your choices are incorrect, is less stressful than compromising on yourself.

You should never compromise yourself.

You should never allow other people to dictate who you are, what you want, or what you stand for.

Of course, this is easier said than done.

Preventing your friends, relationship partners, and family members from making your choices for you is difficult.

Everyone has an opinion on what you should do with your life.

Especially the people closest to you.

So what?

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because someone is close to you that he or she knows what’s best for you.

They don’t.

You know what’s best for you.

You know what your real goals are.

Here are 5 strategies for staying true to yourself and being more assertive in your relationships…

1. Never sacrifice your identity to other people.

Being in a relationship is not easy.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a friendship, romantic relationship, or family relationship.

Either way, things can get hard.

Over time, more and more conflicts happen.

As a result, it’s easy to stop standing up for yourself.

It’s easy to stop doing what you want to do just to keep the peace.

It’s easy to lose your identity.

Too many people sacrifice who they are at their core just to keep other people from going berserk.

These people falsely assume that by keeping the peace, they’re doing the right thing.

They think that killing the fight inside of them is the moral thing to do.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Killing the fight inside of you is not self-sacrifice, it’s self-destruction.

By rolling over again and again, you don’t become stronger, you become a former shell of yourself.

Don’t make the mistake of changing who you are just to please others.

Don’t make the mistake of shying away from adversity.

Keep yourself in check by asking, “What do I really want?” and “Is this what the real me would do, or what the fake me would do?”

2. Set strict boundaries with your time and space.

When you have to pay bills, meet obligations, and provide for others, it’s hard to find time for yourself.

Not only is it hard to find alone time, it’s hard to feel like it’s okay to be alone.

Too many people feel guilty for spending time alone.

They feel selfish for making room for their own thoughts, desires, and actions.

The problem with this is that the quality of your alone time determines the quality of your relationships.

If you’re not mentally and physically at 100% , you can’t be there for others 100%.

Instead, you can only kind of be there.

The value you add to yourself is proportional to the value you can add to your relationships.

Start protecting your time.

Start protecting your space.

Realize that you need time and space for relaxation, reflection, and improvement.

If you’re always busy giving your time and space to other people, you’ll never grow.

You’ll never get better.

You’ll never be able to give more.

By refusing to take time and space for yourself, you’re doing everyone else a disservice by giving them a tired, unfocused, and stagnant version of yourself.

3. Don’t be needy and don’t accept someone else’s needy behavior.

You are not responsible for other people’s happiness.

When grown men and grown women try to make you feel guilty for not spending time with them or not doing what they want, it’s simply a power play.

They want to control you.

If you act as a crutch for people like this long enough, your mind will become conditioned to sacrificial thinking.

You’ll start to believe that you have to sacrifice your happiness for others to be happy.

You’ll start to believe that you have to sacrifice your success for others to be successful.

Why can’t you have both?

Why can’t you be happy and other people be happy at the same time without either party having to sacrifice anything?

You and other people can be happy and successful at the same time.

The problem is that some people don’t want to be happy.

Some people want to play the victim instead.

Some people simply want to be lazy.

You’re not responsible for these people.

Let them go.

Stop being their crutch.

Stop sacrificing who you are to them.

4. Don’t feel obligated to care about the same things that someone else cares about.

Everyone is NOT obligated to fight for the same cause.

Everyone is NOT obligated to do what you want.

At the same time, you’re not obligated to do what other people want.

You have to decide what’s important to you and stick to it.

If you constantly let other people distract you from your goals in life, you’ll never get anywhere.

If you constantly let other people use drama to steal your attention, you will fail.

Stop feeling obligated to care about other people’s problems.

Stop letting other people make you feel guilty.

Instead, start putting your time and energy towards the things you believe in.

Start feeling obligated to yourself.

5. Refuse to let others train you to be someone you’re not.

Social pressure is a very strong force.

If you want to achieve your individual goals in life, you must guard yourself against having a herd mentality.

Being friends with other people doesn’t mean you have to give them control of your mind.

Being related to other people doesn’t mean you have to think and act like them.

You can choose to be your own person at any time.

The key is staying conscious of the unseen pressures that other people put on you.

Too many people allow their friends, family members, and relationship partners to slowly change them.

They allow these people to train them into being a muddled version of their former selves.

If you are in a setting where others are slowly molding you into being someone you’re not, escape immediately.

Take back your life by backing out of the negative relationship.

Just because you got in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to stay there.

You certainly don’t have to stay there AND be quiet about it.

When asked to be someone you’re not, answer.

Don’t stay quiet.

Say no, but thanks anyway, I’m going to be myself and chase my goals.

Peace out.

There’s great freedom in actively deciding to be who you are at your core.

Many people will try to manipulate you in life.

Many people will try to make you compromise.

Don’t let them.

Stand firm in who you are.

Spend time with yourself figuring out who you really are and what you really want.

If you know what motivates you, the principles guiding your daily life, and your goals, no one will be able to shake you from your path.

You’ll be unstoppable.

In order to be true to yourself, you need to stop compromising and become more assertive with your relationships. Start protecting your time and space. Start protecting your identity. Refuse to use other people as a crutch and refuse to let other people use you as a crutch too. You are not obligated to care about what other people care about and you’re not responsible for other people’s happiness. You’re responsible for yourself. By understanding the perils of compromising, you’ll live a more confident and focused life.

To learn more about staying true to yourself and your goals, and to get instant access to exclusive training videos, case studies, insider documents, and my private online network, get on the Escape Plan wait list.


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