“Wherever you are, be there. If you can be fully present now, you’ll know what it means to live.”

Steve Goodier

“Technology is the knack of so arranging the world that we do not experience it.”

Rollo May

“Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.”

Pablo Picasso

It’s easy to outrun zombies and robots.

Giant leaps in your personal and professional life follow in person interactions, not online messages. Sharing ideas and taking action with real people is far more productive than sending emails and obsessing over daily tasks. Most people believe that human beings are more valuable than tech gear and to-do lists. Yet, many of these same people spend their days looking down at laptops, tablets, and phones while ignoring the people right in front of them. Others spend their days rehearsing daily tasks and worrying about the future instead of engaging in the present moment. People that are constantly plugged into gadgets are robots. People that are never mentally present are zombies.

How To Spot A Zombie Or Robot

Robots and zombies are easy to spot. Do you know someone at the office who pulls out her phone to read a text message while you’re talking to her? Robot. Have you ever had to repeat yourself to a colleague over and over again before his eyes unglaze and he finally understands you? Zombie. Did your boss ever call you into his office and have an entire conversation with you without looking up from his computer screen? Robot. Did you ever ask a group of people a question after a presentation and watch each of them stare blankly back at you? Zombies. Understand that people who are always plugged in and never present cannot succeed. Achieving your goal and fulfilling your purpose in life is impossible without engaging in reality and interacting directly with other people.

When I first started working in the biotechnology industry after graduate school, I was hooked on gadgets and busyness. I would go to group meetings and slyly open my laptop or iPad while pretending to listen. I would sneak in emails and online messages while occasionally looking up, smiling, and nodding. I had mastered the art of convincing both myself and my colleagues that I was taking it all in. Most importantly, I always felt extra productive. It was like I had superpowers. I could carry on a conversation with someone in front of me while responding to emails and text messages on my phone. I could stare another person right in the face while going over my entire to-do list in my head. I was multitasking my way up the ladder of success. The only problem was this sinking feeling I had.

I was a robot and a zombie. Over time, my sinking feeling grew into a sense of impending doom. I always felt behind – like I could never catch up to myself. I also felt confused – like I could never figure out exactly what I was doing or why I was doing it. My brain was scattered. The problem was I constantly plugged in. And when I wasn’t plugged in, I was living in my own head. My default state was to get online and answer emails or to worry about what I was supposed to be doing next. As a result, I was always busy but never productive. My actions carried little weight because they were all executed online or in my head. My online connections meant nothing because I never had time to nurture them in person. The only way to turn things around was to unplug and get present.

Multitasking Multiplies Failure

Your brain cannot do two things at once. A study out of the University of California, Irvine found that people who are interrupted by technology score 20% lower on standard cognition tests. The study also showed that the typical office worker gets only 11 minutes between each interruption, while it takes an average of 25 minutes to return to the original task after an interruption. Another study showed that most college students are only able to concentrate on work for 2 minutes before distracting themselves with email or social media.

Never sacrifice effectiveness and quality to efficiency and quantity. Completing one major goal beyond everyone’s expectations is better than finishing several tasks half-ass. Likewise, developing one meaningful relationship is better than connecting with a million people online. This is true in business and entrepreneurship as well as in your personal life. Diffuse efforts always fall short. There’s no way to compensate for a scattered mind. Start concentrating the bulk of your energy onto no more than 1-2 people, clients, or tasks a day. Instead of trying to reach as many people as possible, aim to engage as many as possible. Instead of trying to do as many things as possible, aim to do the most important thing possible. Learn to focus your efforts and you will dramatically enhance your own business and entrepreneurship development.

Plug In Privately

Pulling out your phone in the middle of a presentation or conversation is a personal relations disaster. You are better off slapping the presenter or other person in the face. Everyone knows you’re not taking notes on your iPad or computer during the meeting. You’re checking your email or playing on Facebook. Choosing to view a computer screen over a person’s face is disrespectful. And most people do not quickly forget being disrespected. Instead of disrespecting the people in front of you, connect with them. All it takes is one personal connection to completely change your life. The guy sitting next to you on the plane, the student stepping up to your conference booth, and the little old lady standing behind you in line are all potential clients, collaborators, fans, followers, and business partners. Stop ignoring the people around you. Stop thinking like a robot and start engaging people in public. Learn to separate your electronic time from your public time. This lesson is critical not only to making money but to developing as a leader.

Leadership influence relies on presence, not technology. Reserve computer time for when you’re alone. This will benefit you in two ways; first, you will be more productive. This is because working alone, without distractions, and in limited bursts will focus your mind. Second, you will appear more poised and powerful. People who are always multitasking, hurrying here and there, and frantically jumping online whenever they get a spare second appear weak and sloppy. It’s impossible to appear poised and powerful while stooped over a computer screen. How often do you see the U.S. President, the U.K. Prime Minister, or any other world leader staring down at their phones, tablets, or computers? Never. This is because writing emails and working online is not prestigious.

No one wants to follow a zombie or robot. Most people treat stress like a badge of honor. These people run around, whipping out their smart phones, constantly checking their inboxes, and bragging about the lengths of their to-do lists. They believe that this behavior shows the world that they care. It’s like they’re trying to prove that they work hard. But instead of looking strong, these people look sloppy. They come off as incompetent, unorganized, and unprepared. Understand that frantic behavior is not influential. Never let them see you sweat. Learn to hide your work ethic. Working hard in private and being completely present in public has a powerful effect. The key is that you have to work hard in private in order to be present in public.

Presence Dominates Everything

Wake up. The fastest way to get ahead of other people is to be absolutely present in public. Did you ever go to a meeting and not really pay attention? You probably thought, “no one else is really paying attention” or “this meeting isn’t that important”. Either way, you decided to take a mental break and focus on what you’re going to do after the meeting. In other words, you decided to be a zombie. Then, all of the sudden, some jerk starts asking questions. He brings up a really good point, and another one, and another one. Eventually, an entire discussion breaks out. Now, you start to get anxious. You can’t remember anything the presenter said and you have nothing to contribute to the discussion. Zombies are expendable. If your mind is always someplace else, it’s only a matter of time before you are replaced.

Presence is an important career choice. The next time you’re at a meeting or having a conversation with someone, try being completely engaged. Watch the effect it has on the people around you. Notice how it automatically makes them engage. Avoid becoming a robot or zombie by unplugging and being present. Of course, it’s good to use technology and to-do lists to help you stay connected and focused, but these things shouldn’t be your default means of connecting or making things happen. Use them to coordinate your efforts with other people, not to replace other people.

“Be willing to be uncomfortable. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. It may get tough, but it’s a small price to pay for living a dream.”

Peter McWilliams

“It’s far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.”

Judith Martin

“Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion.”

Aristotle

Get comfortable with discomfort.

Life is full of red tape, gatekeepers, and bottlenecks. Some of these sticking points are set in stone while others are set in sand. The key to getting ahead is deciphering which decision-makers are real and which decision-makers are fake. Phony gatekeepers can be bypassed quickly and unemotionally. Real gatekeepers; on the other hand, must be dealt with strategically. This is true in academia, medicine, business and entrepreneurship. First, you have to find a way to put yourself face-to-face with these people. Then, you have to melt their faces.

Impress yourself onto important people. Decision-makers are people who make important decisions relevant to your goals. Whether you’re vying for a promotion (or admission), trying to close a sale, or seeking exclusive information, achieving your goal will involve persuading other people. You will have to convince real decision-makers that your product, service, or self is worth their time and energy. Impression drives persuasion. Understand that the best way to persuade people is to impress them in a meaningful way. And in today’s world, the only way to impress people is to get directly in front of them and give them a reason not to forget you. Thanks to the Internet and social media, everyone has access to everything. As a result, no one is impressed with online information anymore, and no one is wowed by second-hand connections. Sending out a sea of keyword-loaded resumes or asking a friend of a friend to put a good word in for you is not impressive. Anyone can click a button or talk to a friend. Nowadays, the only way to impress people in business and entrepreneurship is with presence and clarity. Of course, the goal is not to play up to others or use them to get ahead. Your goal is to reveal your true value to people who can help you fulfill your purpose in life while you help them fulfill theirs.

Gravitate towards discomfort. Your success in life is proportional to the number of uncomfortable situations you’re willing to put yourself in. If you’re having trouble figuring out who the decision-makers in your industry are, or how you should try to impress them, just ask yourself who and what intimidates you the most. Would you rather email your resume to your friend (who promises to give it to his manager), or drive it over to your friend’s office and deliver it to his manager in person? Would you rather attend a local industry meeting and network with the same 10 people you saw at the last meeting, or spend all your money traveling to an international conference so you can network with the leaders of your field? Let discomfort be your guide. Eventually, you’ll be able to thrive in uncomfortable situations. This will help you develop leadership skills and aide in your entrepreneurship development.

How To Melt A Face

Learn the art of melting faces. Melting faces is slang for impressing someone. To say you are going to melt someone’s face is the same as saying you are going to blow someone’s mind, break a leg, or bring it hard. The phrase simply implies having an intense effect on others. To have this kind of an effect, you have to be present and clear. This means doing whatever it takes to get face-to-face with the people who can help you fulfill your purpose in life.

Stop persuading people who don’t matter. Very often, we try to impress people who have no sway over whether or not we fulfill our purpose in life. We do this because it’s safe and comfortable. Telling a colleague or low-level manager that you want a raise may feel rewarding and productive but it probably won’t get you promoted. Writing an email or LinkedIn message to a hiring manager from the safety of your desk may seem smart and bold but it probably won’t get the job. On the other hand, scheduling a 15 minute meeting with the head of your division and melting his face with a well-rehearsed, detailed presentation on how you will make the company more money in 6 months will definitely leave an impression. Likewise, flying yourself to the hiring manager’s corporate office and melting her face with your knowledge of the company and your willingness to work for free to earn the position will put a dent her psyche.

Once you get in front of a real gatekeeper, you’ll only have a few seconds to get his or her attention and deliver your message. The key is to be present and clear. To be present, you have to be face-to-face. Forget about impressing people with a resume, well-written email, or clever Facebook page. These information channels are completely clogged. The only information channel worth pursuing is face-to-face conversation. Oral communication is one of the only skills that will matter in the next 5 years. This is because oral communication is still the best way to exchange ideas. Conversing face-to-face allows you to use your body language, mannerisms and facial expressions, as well as the rate, pitch, and tone of your voice to keep the other person present. And you will have to use all of these things to keep someone else present. Other people are just like you. They are constantly thinking about themselves, their ideas, their jobs, their emails, their to-do lists, their relationship obligations, what they have, what they don’t have, what they need, what they want, on and on. The only way to cut through the noise is to get in front of them, make eye contact, and give them a reason not to tune you out.

Nothing Pays More Than Attention

Ask questions. Show enthusiasm. Repeat. Most often, when you finally get in front of a decision-maker, you won’t have anything to offer them in return except for promises and stories. You will promise to be a hard-worker, to have the knowledge they need, to increase their profits, to deliver sales, or to help them in return down the road. You’ll tell stories of how hard you worked in the past, where you came from, and what you’ve achieved in life so far. The problem is your promises and stories mean nothing to a stranger. Instead of making promises, give them what you have to offer right now – your attention. The best way to keep someone else’s attention is to give them your attention. Hanging on other people’s words makes other people hang on your words. The trick is giving people something to talk about. And the only way to do this is by asking questions.

Don’t smile, nod, and delete. Before getting face-to-face with people who can help you fulfill your purpose in life, study their purposes in life. If you don’t care about their goals, why should they care about yours? Next, ask them as many open-ended questions as you can about their career goals, life goals, and past victories. Finally, give them your abundant attention. Don’t fake it. Be authentic. Find something about them to be interested in. Find something to actually care about. Whatever you do, don’t pretend. Smart people can sense insincerity a mile away.

Give the gift of enthusiasm to every gatekeeper you meet. When was the last time someone else got really excited about one of your ideas. I mean really excited. The truth is, this doesn’t happen that often. But when it does happen, it makes you feel incredible. You feel understood. You feel validated. You feel like you’re making a difference. This is also how other people feel when you show enthusiasm for their ideas. Most people think that the best way to impress someone else is by showing off, or by telling them all about your great ideas. This does not impress people. Listening impresses people. Asking great questions impresses people. Showing enthusiasm impresses people.

Weird people succeed more than cool people. Cool is boring. Everyone is trying to be cool, be a good fit, and be just what decision-makers are looking for. Understand that you can’t stand out by fitting in better than everyone. The only way to differentiate yourself is by doing the opposite of what the herd is doing. You have to be weird. You have to do what’s unusual and uncomfortable. Melting faces is simply a matter of doing what other people feel is unnecessary. This means taking bigger risks to get in front of decision-makers and having the presence of mind to engage them in a way that fulfills them, not you.

Denis Waitley

“Worry compounds the futility of being trapped on a dead-end street. Thinking opens new avenues.”

Cullen Hightower

“I live on a one-way street that’s also a dead end. I’m not sure how I got there.”

Stephen Wright

A professional journey is worthless if the destination is a dead end.

Never ignore the endpoint in front of you. Everyone is on a professional journey. By definition, this journey has a destination. Whether you’re unemployed, self-employed or gainfully employed by someone else, you’re on a professional journey. The problem is that most people have no idea where their journey ends. They are on a specific career track but do not know, or refuse to know, where the track is taking them. As a result, too many professionals are arriving at dead end destinations in business and entrepreneurship. A destination is a dead end when arriving at it is unfulfilling, limiting, or both. The only way to avoid arriving at a dead end is to confront reality and risk changing tracks. This means looking closely at the people ahead of you and seeking opportunities that shock the system you’re in.

Distraction is a trap. The reason that so many people stay on dead end career tracks is because they are distracted by daily tasks and short-term rewards. This is especially true for professionals earning and holding advanced degrees. These people spend the majority of their time and resources putting out day-to-day fires and chasing certifications and other “carrots.” Then, one day, they find themselves standing in the middle of a cul-de-sac chewing on a carrot that taste like crap. For example, in the United States, less than 30% of Ph.D. faculty members receive tenure. This is down from 42% in 1995 and 75% in 1970. Likewise, less than 50% of M.B.A. graduates land jobs at big corporations, consultancies, and investment banks. This is down from 70% in 1998. Yet, most people currently pursuing these and other advanced degrees are staying on their traditional career tracks. The key to avoiding a dead end destination is occasionally stepping off of your track and looking closely at where you have been, where you are now, and where you will be if you continue moving forward.

Full Steam Into A Brick Wall

Enjoying the journey doesn’t mean you’ll enjoy the destination. The most enjoyable job I ever had was working as a waiter at a restaurant at the Coeur d’Alene Resort in Northern Idaho. I would pull double shifts during the morning and afternoon and walk out with a couple hundred dollars in cash and play on the beach all evening and night. I loved it and seriously considered staying there instead of going to Graduate school. A single moment changed my mind. I was punching in an order and looked up to see a senior member of the waiting staff get verbally thrashed by a table full of customers. The waiter was 41 years old and was profusely apologizing for something that wasn’t his fault. He ran back and forth in the dumb little green and blue uniforms we had to wear, doing everything he could to make them happy. I was staring a dead end right in the face. I may have been enjoying myself waiting tables but that didn’t mean I would enjoy it forever. I saw the writing on the wall and put in my two weeks notice so I could prepare for Graduate school.

My experience as a waiter taught me to occasionally pause my professional journey and evaluate the path I was on. I’ve learned to look closely at the people who are 5, 10, and 20 years ahead of me on the same career track and ask, “Is this person happy?,” “Is this person growing?,” and “Do I want to be this person one day?” If I consistently answer “no” to these questions, I change directions. This is what I had to do at the end of my Graduate school career. For the longest time, I wanted to be a clinician or a tenured professor. But as my last few years of Graduate school unfolded, I came to realize that neither option was a good fit for me. All of the residents and young medical doctors I knew worked 80 hour weeks, running circles in the hospital with cheap cups of coffee attached to their lips. Likewise, all the post-docs and assistant professors I knew spent 14 hours a day repeating experiments and writing grant proposals that failed to get funded 93% of the time. For me personally, this was a dead end.

Dead Ends Don’t Open By Force

You can’t drive through a cul-de-sac. At first, I thought something was wrong with me. I thought that if I did what I was told, worked harder, and had a better attitude about my situation, the dead end would go away. But things just got worse. Undertand that you can’t bring a dead end back to life. No amount of hard work or sacrifice will resurrect the soul of something that limits you or doesn’t fulfill you personally. Working harder will only move you closer to the dead end faster. It won’t increase your happiness and bring you closer to achieving your goal. People who ignore where they are headed by distracting themselves with the minutia of their current journey render themselves useless. These people are like flies that keep smacking their heads against glass windows hoping to get free. This behavior is predictable and expendable. And expendability is not a worthy pursuit.

During my last year of Graduate school, I was offered a great job in the biotechnology industry. I flew to Seattle, went to lunch with the President, and was hired over a burrito and a handshake. When my Graduate school advisors found this out, they were appalled. “What were you thinking,” they said, “if they can hire you this easily, they can fire you easily too.” This is the kind of mentality you must shake off if you want to reach your full potential. The truth is, I was scared of taking a job that didn’t require numerous letters of recommendation and a weeklong interview process (which is normal in academia). Yes, the job was riskier than staying on my current career track. Yes, there was a big chance I could get fired very quickly. Yes, I could fail massively. But I could also win big. In the end, the job ended up changing my life, allowing me to travel the world while improving my skills as a scientist and speaker. It’s impossible to advance your business and entrepreneurship development without taking risks.

Shock The System By Seeking Failure

A secure journey is not a smart strategy. Slowly chugging along a very narrow career track will not make you successful. Not anymore. Risk is the new safe. Risky journeys create opportunities, not end points. It is better to jump onto a dangerous track and run down it at 100 miles per hour enjoying life and chasing a giant dream than it is to miserably step one foot in front of the other chasing a baby carrot. The only way to adapt yourself for the future of business and entrepreneurship is to start seeing failure as your new best friend. Failure is simply success in camouflage. Where there’s an opportunity to fail, there’s also an opportunity to win. In today’s world, the secret to finding good ways to make money in business and entrepreneurship is finding good ways to fail. Of course, your goal is not to actually fail, but to see opportunities for failure as opportunities to shock the system and win big.

Develop a shock the system mentality. I learned the importance of embracing failure during a high school wrestling tournament. It was my senior year and I had just wrestled a semi-finals match and was waiting for my best friend, Josh Birt, to wrestle next. Our coaches were having a hard time finding anything positive to say to Josh because he was about to wrestle Travis Pascoe. In high school, Travis won 3 Washington State Championship titles and had a win-loss record of 138-8. Travis annihilated everyone he wrestled that year. In fact, most wrestlers weren’t even able to score a point on him. He was the opponent you hoped you never had to face in one-on-one competition. If you’re not familiar with wrestling, competing against Travis would be like competing against a football, basketball, or baseball team that had completely shut out their last 100 opponents.

Before the match started, I walked over to Josh and asked him if he was ready and how he was feeling. He turned to me, paused, and said something I’ll never forget, “I bet I would shock everyone here if I beat Travis right now”. Wait, what? I was completely caught off guard by what he said. I managed to mumble something like “that’s true” before he went out onto the wrestling mat. As soon as the whistle blew, Josh started throwing Travis all over the place. By the final period, Travis was so exhausted that he stopped the match 6 different times to rest, using up every last second of his injury time. In the end, Travis rode out the clock and won by a single point. Yes, Josh lost. But he also embarrassed an all-star and instantly made a name for himself in the wrestling world. After the match, the crowd gave Josh a standing ovation. The following year, Josh went on to win the NJCAA National Wrestling Championship.

Low hanging fruit is usually sour. The above story illustrates the importance of flipping your perspective on failure. The problem is that most people are hardwired to shy away from failure. We feel a sense of intimidation towards a promotion or competitive job opening and retreat by talking ourselves out of it or sabotaging our efforts. The only way to overcome our fear of failure is to embrace it. Use failure as a flag post. Let it guide you towards opportunities that can drastically advance your business and entrepreneurship development. If you want big things, you have to take big risks. Miniature successes are not sweet. Giant successes are sweet. Rifle through every area of your life looking for the biggest opportunities to fail. Start challenging your perspective. This will give you the courage and foresight you need escape a dead end career track.

“The important thing is to concentrate upon what you can do – by yourself, upon your own initiative.”

Harry Browne

“Never stand begging for what you have the power to earn.”

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

“Remain hungry but do not start begging.”

Turkish Proverb

Life will keep you on your knees if you let it.

Begging is hardwired into our DNA. Everyone is born a begger. When you were a newborn, the only thing you knew how to do was beg. You begged for milk, sleep, attention and comfort. As a toddler, you continued to beg. You begged for toys, friends, candy, and television. In school, you begged to be popular, make the team, and to get good grades. Then you begged to graduate and get into a decent college. Then you begged for a job. That’s when the begging really began. Please give me a job. Please give me a good review. Please give me a promotion. Please don’t fire me. Please like me.

The effects of constant begging are gruesome. I saw these effects first-hand in Graduate school. M.D.s and Ph.D.s who managed University laboratories would spend 80 hours a week writing grants, begging for enough money to stay afloat for another year or two. As government funding continued to drop, many of these labs were forced to shut down. Worst of all, the people running these labs had no idea what to do with themselves afterwards. They were so dependent on a single skillset and a lone career path that they didn’t know how to do anything else. As a result, most of them had to beg the University to keep them on as a part-time professor or a research scientist in someone else’s lab. Even though these people were highly educated, they had no idea how to make something happen for themselves. This phenomenon occurs not only in science, but also in other advanced degree career tracks. For example, last year the fraction of new J.D.s finding a full-time job requiring a state bar license dropped from 74% to less than 60%. More J.D.s than ever are out of work. These people are begging for jobs, not because they lack value, but because they’ve become dependent on a single skillset.

The Dependence Paradox

Sooner or later, everyone gets tired of begging. The problem is that it’s impossible not to beg when you’re completely dependent on another person, project, or company. If you only have one thing going for you, you are dependent on that one thing. This is especially true in in business and entrepreneurship. Too many people get one job using one skillset and spend the rest of their lives begging to keep that job. They become beggars because they don’t have anything else to offer. Making money by begging for it is not sustainable.

Dependency develops over time. First, your employer hires you because of your unique qualities. Then, you become comfortable in your new position and stop developing new qualities. Finally, you become dependent on your position and have to beg to keep it. This begging often comes in the form of constant worry, gossiping with colleagues, or trying to find out how much your boss likes or dislikes you. When you waste your time engaging in office politics instead of being productive – you’re begging. This dependency sequence occurs not only in business and entrepreneurship, but in personal relationships as well. At the start, two people grow close because they are attracted to each other’s qualities. Then, one person becomes too comfortable in the new relationship and stops developing their qualities. Finally, that same person becomes dependent on the relationship and begs to stay in it. Dependency always results in begging for more, getting less, and eventually falling short.

The first sign of being dependent on something is being overly concerned about losing it. The reason it’s so easy to become completely dependent on a person or a career path is because we are taught to make a choice and give everything to that choice. We are led to believe that loyalty can only be achieved through dependence and begging. Being loyal and committed to your job is critical advice but it’s not the complete picture. Your goal should not be to better an organization by giving everything to it; your goal should be to better an organization by giving everything to yourself. The best way to improve something else is by improving yourself first. Always start with your own entrepreneurship development.

Dependency is caused by a paradox. At first glance, it seems that dependency would strengthen the bond between two parties. The paradox is that being dependent on someone or something else makes both parties despise each other. Dependency breeds resentment. An employer doesn’t want to pay you just because you’re dependent on your job and you don’t want an employer to pay you just because you’re dependent on your job (or at least you shouldn’t). Instead, you want to be paid because you have something valuable to offer. You want to be paid because you are valued. And your employer wants to exchange value for value, not value for dependency. Complete dependency has no place in business and entrepreneurship. It also has no place in your personal relationships.

The Begging Cure

Make something happen for yourself. The only way to stop begging is to start bringing more to the table. Understand that one skillset will not get you to the top of your profession anymore. Being really great at teaching, selling, building, or networking is not enough. You have to be really great at teaching, selling, building and networking. Today’s world is too fluid and connected to allow anyone to ride a single skillset to ultimate success. This means that no matter your profession, you have to start developing an entrepreneurial mindset. You have to learn how to make something happen for yourself. An entrepreneurial, or can-do mindset will help you improve confidence and find good ways to make money.

Make time to climb and connect. In Graduate school, the M.D.s and Ph.D.s that I admired the most were the ones who had 2-3 side projects. Instead of just beating their heads against the wall by writing and rewriting the same grant proposal, these doctors collaborated with biotechnology companies, formed partnerships with other doctors, and created their own online consulting services. There’s always time to make something happen for yourself. The key is making your own entrepreneurship development a priority. This means making time to work on yourself and work for yourself.

Strive for independence and loyalty over dependence and begging. Making something happen for yourself shows initiative, ambition, and creativity, three skills that are highly magnetic to employers and other people. Nothing is more empowering (and attractive) than the ability to force an idea into existence. Stop wasting your time worrying about keeping your job and start developing yourself. Connect with 3-4 likeminded people and form a mastermind group or partnership. Start a blog or build a website and offer your consulting services. Write a book or create an online product. Take a hobby to the next level or attend a conference that’s completely outside of your field. You can do all of these things while maintaining your loyalty and comittment to your current career track and relationships. Making something happen for yourself is the quickest way to expand your skillset and increase your value. And valuable people don’t have to beg.

“If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people together to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.”

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

“Enthusiasm is the electricity of life. How do you get it? You act enthusiastic until you make it a habit.”

Gordon Parks

“Nothing is so contagious as enthusiasm.”

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Give people something to look forward to and they’ll give you anything you want in return.

Excitement is the most motivating emotion. Excitement is empowering because it puts you in the driver’s seat of your own life. When you’re excited, you want something to happen. You’re no longer worrying about the future, you’re anticipating it. You’re expecting something good. You’re expecting pleasure. And positive expectancy acts to increase happiness and boost self confidence. This means that you can improve your self esteem and mood at any time simply by getting excited.

Excitement is the most charming emotion. Nothing is more magnetic than excitement. When excitement is expressed, it’s called enthusiasm, which literally means intense and eager enjoyment, interest, or approval. Excitement is the greatest gift you can give to other people. This is because there’s nothing more valuable than inspiration. When you excite someone, you help them see their future in a positive and enticing light. You give them something to look forward to. This fills them with the magic formula of anticipation, confidence, and boldness. Understand: anything is possible under the spirit of excitement. The key is learning how to initiate excitement in yourself and in other people. Once you learn how to initiate excitement, you can harness its full power by directing it towards ideas and objects of your choosing. Excitement will not only help you influence motivation in others, it will help you control your own internal influences.

Excite Yourself First

Excitement cures discouragement and spurs action. In life, our greatest weakness is not lack of knowledge, time, money, connections, or resources. Our greatest weakness is discouragement. We fail, not because we are impatient and unintelligent, but because we lose heart, doubt ourselves, and become overly cautious. The only way to overcome this weakness is by taking heavy doses of enthusiasm. Achieving your goal and fulfilling your purpose in life is impossible without enthusiasm. In the face of adversity, being more careful is not what you need, what you need is to amplify your excitement. This will act to double your resolve and intensify your confidence, decisiveness, and boldness. Excitement is energy. Excitement turns discouragement into determination. In moments of trouble, use enthusiasm to overcome inertia. Mistakes you make by being too bold can be corrected by taking more bold action still. The momentum of your excitement will move you forward.

Fear is no match for enthusiasm. The next time you find yourself fearing an outcome, change your focus to something you’re excited about. Instead of worrying about making money to pay your bills, get excited about a new project. Instead of worrying about catching a cold, get excited about going to the gym. If you can’t get your focus off of the thing you fear, flip your perspective. Stop running from your problem mentally and start calling out to it. Get excited about facing it. If you hate flying because you’re terrified the plane is going to crash, get excited about surviving the plane crash. This may sound a little far out, but consider the only alternatives: worry and evasion. At least now you’re focused on taking productive action. In more practical terms, if you’re worried about failing a test, get excited about showing off your knowledge. Turn what you don’t want to happen into what you can’t wait to happen. Use enthusiasm to quickly increase your happiness, improve self confidence, and adjust your internal influences.

Excitement Sells

Let other people’s excitement work for you. Whether you’re selling a product, a service, or yourself, excitement is the best emotion to tap into. A recent study out of the University of California, Berkley studied the role of excitement and other emotions in making money and financial trading. In the study, participants were subdivided into different laboratory markets where they freely traded risky assets over a computer network. The markets themselves were the same in every way. However, prior to each market simulation, participants watched short videos that were either 1) exciting and upbeat—car chase scenes; 2) emotionally neutral—segments from a historical documentary; 3) fearful—scenes from a horror movie; or 4) sad—scenes from a depressing drama. The study found that people were more likely to buy risky assets after watching exciting videos relative to the other three conditions. This resulted in larger asset pricing bubbles that were both economic and statistically significant. Interestingly, no other emotional state significantly affected the participants buying behavior one way or another. Only excitement was able to generate influence over people’s actions.

Enthusiasm is the best closer. Creating something of value is the first step. The next steps are marketing, selling, and making money. Without the latter steps, you can’t support the the first step. Consumption sustains creation. Your product or service is useless if you can’t get other people to use it, experience it, or enjoy it. If creating something of value, selling it, and making money are your goals, then you must learn how to get and keep people’s attention. And the best way to grab people’s attention is to get them excited. Excitement is a critical skill. The problem is that most people try to excite others by pumping them full of tactical information and appealing to their goodwill. Worst of all, these people try to excite others by talking instead of doing. Achieving your goal and fulfilling your purpose requires a better approach: 1) paint a strategic vision; 2) appeal to other people’s self-interests; and 3) set an example with your physiology.

Paint A Strategic Picture

Enthusiasm thrives on vision and simplicity. Complex ideas are not exciting. Complex ideas that are short, concrete, and strategic are always exciting. What is the overall goal for your product, service, or self? What does ultimate success look like? Try not to visualize your victory in tactical terms. Instead, paint a sweepingly strategic picture in your head. Now, take that picture and compress it into one sentence or less. Finally, make your sentence as tangible as possible by linking it to other well-known objects and ideas. Christopher Johnson, the author of Microstyle: The Art of Writing Little, calls this the “high-concept pitch”. Johnson writes that the high-concept pitch takes on various forms but most often involves evoking an existing company, product, service, lifestyle, object, or idea and then indicating how yours would be different. The best known example of this is the original pitch for the movie, Alien. Instead of describing the details of the characters, plot, and outcome of the movie, the writers simply told the studio members that the movie was “Jaws In Space.” In three words, these writers were able to influence motivation by tapping into everything the studio members knew about the movie Jaws and everything they knew about space, instantly creating an exciting vision. “Jaws In Space” is simple, concrete, and strategic.

Appeal To Self-Interest

To get someone excited, show him how your product will make his job easier. To get someone really excited, show him how your product will make his life easier. To put someone in a must-have frenzy, show him how your product is already an extension of himself. Understand: excitement is selfish. It’s much easier for someone to get excited for himself than it is for him to get excited for someone else. This is a good thing. Your emotions should benefit you first, not other people. Yet, most people believe that both their emotions and other people’s emotions should benefit themselves. The truth is, other people will always care about themselves more than they care about your object or idea. You can have the most amazing product on the planet, but it will sit on the shelves if it doesn’t appeal to other people’s self-interest. The only way to get people excited about what you have to offer is to offer it in terms of how it will benefit them directly. This means thinking it terms of how your product, service, or self will not only benefit him professionally, but personally. The more you can make someone identify with what you have to offer, the more they will want to have it. Of course, all excitement is perishable. If what you’re selling lacks substance, enthusiasm for it will fade.

Every few months in Graduate school, I would have to present my research at some departmental seminar or conference. These seminars usually involved large podiums, endless PowerPoint slides, and 30-50 people who couldn’t care less about the presentations. For the presenters, the goal of the seminar was to get other people excited about science. In other words, the presenters were supposed to sell their research. When I first started giving these seminars, I did what everyone else did – I hid behind the podium, overly used my laser pointer, and talked in my best Ben Stein voice. One day, a professor came up to me after my presentation and said, “If you’re not excited by your research, why should anyone else be?” From that day on, I completely changed the way I presented. I started walking in front of the screen, varying the pace of my speech, using my hands, telling stories, and encouraging people to laugh and ask questions. I acted like my research was the most exciting thing I had ever seen. As a result, other people engaged.

It’s better to be annoyingly enthusiastic than mind-numbingly boring. Your physiology affects the psychology of others. By speaking and moving in an excited manner, you engage other people’s mirror-neuron systems. A mirror neuron is a neuron that fires both when someone acts and when they observe someone else acting. This means you can force people to mirror your behavior mentally just by behaving in a pronounced way. Motion creates emotion. The next time you want to get someone excited, get excited yourself. Then, appeal to that person’s self-interest and paint him a strategic picture. Practice these techniques and you will be able to arouse other people and yourself at will.

“Cheerfulness, it would appear, is a matter which depends fully as much on the state of things within, as on the state of things without and around us.”

Charlotte Brontë

“Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.”

Victor Hugo

“It is fun to have fun but you have to know how.”

Dr. Seuss

Always be the person in the room having the most fun.

Everyone wants to be swept up in an adventure. Understand that, above all else, people want to enjoy themselves in a meaningful way. The problem is that most people go through their lives waiting for someone or something to give them permission to have fun. These people keep their heads down, or stay “on task” until they’ve been picked to enjoy themselves. Life was not meant to be lived waiting to be happy. The time to increase your happiness is right now. Finding ways to enjoy life more will improve your peace of mind, your personal relationships, and your professional standing.

Fun Is Never Inappropriate

See every moment of your life as a chance to have fun. Look down at where you’re standing right now – that’s where the party is. Why aren’t you having fun? What insignificant future problem are you thinking about instead? You have the power to make any moment better simply by being present and by being playful. You can walk into any room and completely alter the energy and perspective of everyone in it using nothing more than your cheerful attitude. Increase your happiness to increase happiness in others. The key to yielding this power is understanding two things: one, cheerfulness is an act of will, and two, cheerfulness belongs everywhere. 

Cheerfulness is a decision. You can’t wait for fun to find you, you have to find it. Find ways to enjoy life more by being present and by engaging people in what’s going on around them. Most of the time we live in our own tiny inward universe. Sometimes this universe turns into a prison cell. This happens when we start obsessing over deadlines, future problems, and things we don’t have. The only way to escape your self-made prison is by focusing outward. And the quickest way to turn your attention outward is to start having fun right where you’re at. Use cheerfulness to improve your confidence and boost your self esteem. Find ways to enjoy life more and then radiate your enjoyment. This will not only free your mind, it will help other people free their minds.

Cheerfulness belongs everywhere. Happiness always has a place at the table. Too many people avoid having fun because they think it’s inappropriate to do so. Understand that fun is never inappropriate. This is because fun brings people together. Experiments show that people are drawn to fun. One study found that the brain responds to the sound of laughter by automatically prepping the muscles in your face to smile and laugh. The study also found that positive sounds like laughter are more contagious than negative sounds like screaming. Fun is infectious. There’s never a bad time to be cheerful. Enjoyment is welcome at any occasion. Of course, there are different ways to project your joy. If you’re at a funeral, it’s better to express your joy with warmth and compassion than by telling jokes.

Happiness Buys Money

The rules of working have changed. For most people, going to work doesn’t mean putting your life on the line. In today’s connection economy, work still involves effective communication, taking action, and, most importantly, sharp decision-making. However, most of this is now done in a very safe environment. Contemporary power moves are made behind conference tables, in front of a laptops, and over lunches. Yet, the average person is having less fun now than he used to at work. A recent Gallup survey showed that over 70% of people are “not engaged” or “actively disengaged” from their jobs. The majority of people see their occupations as joyless activities. For them, work and play occupy opposite ends of the spectrum.

Life is work. If you want to live a happy life, you have to change the way you work and the way you define work. Work is only an obligation if you define it as an obligation. The truth is, most of us get to choose our careers. The only person responsible for the job you have right now is you. This means your occupation is not an obligation, it’s a choice. You are actively deciding to get up each day and employ yourself, so why not actively decide to enjoy your employment? Doing this will not only increase the quality of your life, it will enhance your chances of getting promoted and making money. Happiness will help you generate influence, improve self confidence, and develop leadership skills.

Debbie Downer and Oscar the Grouch are unemployed. Laughing less will not advance your career. In fact, unhappiness could hurt your career. In Every Day A Friday, Joel Osteen tells how successful companies like Holiday Inn only hire people that smile. When the hotel chain was looking to fill 500 new jobs, they interviewed over 5,000 people and automatically disqualified any applicant that smiled less than 4 times. Happiness will not only help you get hired, it will help you get promoted. A 14-year experiment by researchers at University College of London followed more than 15,000 individuals from high school to their late twenties (1994 – 2008). Throughout the study, participants filled out surveys and answered interview questions about their overall well-being and how many times certain statements like “You enjoyed life” and “You were happy” were true for the previous week. Accounting for genetics, health, education and IQ, the researchers found a clear link between happiness and higher salaried positions as adults.

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Why So Serious?

Stop sacrificing your smiles. Frowning doesn’t mean you’re working harder or are more competent – it just means you’re not enjoying yourself. In college, I did a medical preceptorship at Lancaster General Hospital. A preceptorship is a program that allows pre-medical students to shadow doctors in different medical departments. Every time I started a new a round with a new doctor, the doctor would inevitably tell me to “tone it down”. Likewise, when I was getting my Ph.D. in Graduate school, I was constantly told to “be more serious” by my mentor. Throughout my entire career, whether I was working in academia or in the biotech industry, there was always someone telling me to be serious. What these people really wanted me to do was stop having fun. They wanted me to show my competence by reducing my happiness. Understand that cheerfulness is not a sign of carelessness. Numerous studies show that cheerfulness drastically enhances both creativity and productivity. This means you can have fun and be intensely focused simultaneously. It is entirely possible to advance your career and sit on cloud nine at the same time.

Protect Your Joy

Misery loves company. Very often, when other people are not enjoying themselves, they don’t want you to enjoy yourself. When these people are stressed out, they want you to be stressed out. It’s as if they want you to show respect for their bad mood or difficult circumstance by lowering your energy and walking on eggshells. Some will even go as far as baiting you into an emotional confrontation. This kind of negativity is especially difficult to deal with when it’s coming from your boss or coworker. It’s hard to have fun with someone breathing down your neck or biting at your ankles. Too often we sink down to the level of the negative people we interact with. But this doesn’t need to happen. The trick is to start seeing your happiness as a treasure chest. You wouldn’t let someone you know walk into your house, gather up all of your valuables, and leave. Yet, you’ve probably let someone you know walk into your life and freely steal your joy. Stop giving away your happiness and start protecting it.

Fight fire with brighter fire. If you find yourself stuck working with a negative person, your best course of action is to override their negativity with relentless cheerfulness. Nothing is more annoying to a negative person than someone else having fun. One person filled with happiness and enthusiasm can burn through a million negative people. This is why haters hunt in packs. The key is to stay cheerful past the point of feeling cheerful. Remember, cheerfulness is an act of will. If you continue to have fun and express your joy, most negative people will eventually leave you alone. Your second best course of action is to have a direct conversation with the negative person. Some people are immune to body language and rolling eyes. They just don’t get it. So spell it out for them. Tell them exactly how their negativity is bringing you down and affecting your performance. Then, tell them to stop. Finally, if all else fails, scram. Change your lunch hour, change departments, change jobs, or change friends. Nothing is worth the price of your happiness.

Why You Can Win

Connection Contest Dos will run from Monday, April 8th, 9AM EST until Friday, April 12th, 9PM EST. During the first Connection Contest, only 20 fans (out of over 10,000) played. And out of those 20 fans, 7 received prizes. That means every fan had a 35% chance of winning a prize just by entering the contest.

All you have to do to win a prize is connect with me and other readers through this blog and through my YouTube page. Every connection is worth a certain number of points. There are four ways to win: 1) comment on my blog posts, 2) subscribe to my YouTube page, 3) comment on my YouTube videos, and 4) email subscribe to my blog. And don’t forget to hit the FOURFECTA (see below).

What You Can Win

1st Place Grand Prize: iPad mini, 32 GB (white)

2nd Place: iPad mini, 16 GB (white)

3rd Place:  $50 iTunes giftcard 

4th Place:  $25 iTunes giftcard 

Previous Winners

Melissa Harrison was the Grand Prize winner of the first Connection Contest. Melissa won a 32 GB iPad 4. Instead of keeping the iPad for herself, Melissa raffled it off to a needy school. The winning school was McDonough Expeditionary Learning School, a public school with a 100% poverty rate. Melissa has three kids and is a great example for anyone trying to step out on their own and make something happen for herself (while still contributing massively to others). Since I’ve known Melissa, she has launched her own blog, Adventures of NinjaMama, and started her own children’s clothing line, NinjaMama Designs.

Brianne Grose, another winner from the first Connection Contest, is an amazing woman who, despite being diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy, carpal tunned syndrome, and polyarthritis, just finished writing her first book. The great news is she has an amazing group of doctors helping her overcome and heal. Brianne’s positivity is contagious. She spends most of her time working, taking care of her son, and writing. Due to her condition, she can only type on a standard keyboard for short periods of time before her hands start to swell up. I’m really happy she won the iPad mini because it’s much easier for her to type on. It also gives her a more convenient way to play learning games with her son (pictured below).

Andrew Mastronardi, an international interpretor, also won and iPad mini. Andrew loves to travel and is still very close with his family. He’s pictured with his Dad and brother directly below. The rest of the winners from the first Connection Contest won iTunes gift cards (see below).

How You Can Win

Win by connecting with me and other fans through this blog and my YouTube page. Every connection is worth 10 points. Every connection assist is 10 points. The key to winning the top prizes will be getting other people to connect and hitting the FOURFECTA. For example, you earn 10 points for subscribing to my YouTube page AND you earn 10 points for everyone else you get to subscribe. The person with the most points at 5PM EST next Friday wins. Here are the full details for earning points:

Hit The FOURFECTA First (2,000 Points)

Blast ahead of the competition by hitting the FOURFECTA right away. All you have to do is comment on 10 separate blog articles, watch and comment on all of my YouTube videos, get 5 people to subscribe to my YouTube page, and get 5 people to email subscribe to this blog. You will be awarded 2,000 points as soon as you complete all four connection components. Note that this is over 1,700 points more than you get for doing each connection component separately.

10 Points Each – Comment On Blog Articles

This point grab will separate the winners from the losers. You get 10 points for every engaging comment you post at the end of any blog article. Currently, there are over 80 articles posted on this blog. That means you can earn over 800 points just by commenting. You earn 10 points by commenting directly on each article and you earn 10 points every time you reply to other people’s comments or reply back to their replies on your comments. Short comments like “I agree,” “this is stupid,” or “thank you” will not count for this contest. And comments unrelated to the material presented in the post will not earn points. Only engaging comments related to the attached article count. Engaging is easy. All you have to do is write a few sentences about what you like or don’t like about the article. Share your point of view. Ask questions. Make suggestions. Tell me what I should write about next. Express your perspective.

To comment, open any article, scroll to the bottom (as you read), and leave a message in the comment box at the bottom. To fully open an article from the homepage, click on the blue article title or the blue More button at the end of the article preview. You can also scroll through the All Time or Current Hits tabs in the Most Popular box (located to the right) to find articles. Finally, you can find articles by category in the Topics section located underneath the Most Popular box. This blog uses a DISQUS plugin for commenting, which makes leaving messages very easy. Just click inside the Leave A Message box and sign in with your email address or with your Facebook, Twitter, or Google+ account. Then, type your message and click the Post button. To reply to other people’s messages, click the Reply button underneath their comments. You can also highlight messages you like by clicking the Star button. When commenting, please use your real name so I know who is earning points.

10 Points Each – YouTube Subscribe And Comment On YouTube Videos

Videos speak louder than blogs. The best way to connect on YouTube is to subscribe to my profile and comment on my videos. You can get to my YouTube profile by Googling “Isaiah Hankel YouTube” or by clicking here: Isaiah On Youtube Then, just click the subscribe button and comment on the many different videos. If you have a Gmail, Google+, Orkut, Picasa, or Chrome account, you already have a YouTube account. If you don’t have any of these accounts, you’ll have to create an account (it’s free). You get 10 points for subscribing and another 10 points for each video that you comment on. You also get 10 points for everyone else you get to subscribe or comment. Short comments like “nice video,” “great job,” or “this sucks” (while appreciated) will not count for this contest. The comment must be engaging, relating back to the material in the video in some way. If you have writer’s block, just comment on your most or least favorite part of each video. And don’t forget to like or dislike each video too (located above the comment box). Please use your real name so I know who is earning points.

10 Points – Email Subscribe

Subscribing with your email is the best way to stay connected. Simply type your email address in the Isaiah In Your Inbox plugin to the right and click the Join Us button. You will then receive an email from Mail Chimp asking you to confirm your subscription. Once you confirm, you get 10 points. Plus, you get fresh articles delivered to your inbox as soon as I’m done writing them. Your email address will never be shared and I will never send you spam. You also earn 10 points for everyone else you get to email subscribe.

Email Your Progress To: connectioncontest@gmail.com

My team will be counting points daily, but we need your help. Help us keep track of your progress by emailing your itemized point total to connectioncontest@gmail.com You don’t have to update us daily, just a few times during the contest. And be sure to send us your final point total before Friday 5PM EST. This is mandatory. The most important items to include in your email are the names, emails, or comment handles of the people you helped connect. This is the only way we can keep track of your connection assists. We will post the names of the point leaders to Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ a few times throughout the week.

Rules And Regs

Play fair, win big. Unrecorded points don’t exist. Keep track of your connections and your connection assists. Keep track of your points. If we can’t find a record of a connection (email address, person’s name, comment location), and if you can’t produce a record, then you won’t get the points. I will do my part to get you the points you earned. The rest is up to you.

You must be at least 18 years old and live within the contiguous United States with a legal U.S. address to win. Failure to claim a prize within one week results in disqualification. No family members can win (sorry kin). Void where prohibited.

William Shenstone

“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.”

Maya Angelou

“Rejection is a challenge.”

Veronica Purcell

Get better, not bitter.

Frustration is a fierce motivator. It’s a trip hammer for engagement and action. More than any other emotion, frustration will help you power through plateaus in your personal and professional life. The problem is that frustration is a gateway to both productive and destructive action. If channeled correctly, frustration can help you overcome obstacles and initiate positive change. If channeled incorrectly, it can spur recklessness and resentment. The key is to use frustration to increase your desire and work ethic without letting it plant seeds of animosity and cynicism.

Do You Really Want It?

Rejected people work harder but are less happy. Rejects are those who missed out on something they wanted. Whether it’s a goal they failed to achieve or a relationship they failed to sustain, these people channel their frustration and sense of loss into some kind of action. Most often, rejected people channel their frustrations into destructive actions. These actions may include lashing out, turning sly and manipulative, or shutting down completely. Science is showing that the most common response to being rejected is to want what you can’t have more while liking it less. A Stanford University study published in Psychological Science showed that being thwarted from obtaining a desired outcome increases your desire to obtain that outcome but, at the same time, reduces its actual attractiveness. During the study, participants who failed to win a prize were willing to pay more for it than those who won it, but were also more likely to trade it away when they ultimately obtained it. In other words, being rejected made the participants simultaneously want the prize more and like it less.

There is a thin line between lusting and loathing. Understand that rejection alters your perception. When you don’t get what you want, you will have a strong urge to want it more. You will also have the urge to like it less. When it comes to your goals, embrace the first urge but erase the second. Don’t let failure and rejection turn into resentment. Let the pain of your frustration strengthen your resolve without diminishing your positivity. Let your hunger grow, not your hatred. The key is to stay focused on why achieving your goal was important to you in the first place. Concentrate on how your goal will increase your happiness, boost self confidence, and improve your self esteem. This will prevent you from wanting it merely because it’s out of reach. Wanting things just because you can’t have them is a recipe for destruction. There’s no value in pursuing a goal that you will immediately cut down size or toss aside once it’s in hand. The only goals worth chasing are those that you truly love.

Get Mad, Get Motivated

Frustration is uncomfortable; it creates pain. And as soon as your mind feels pain, whether it’s physical or emotional, it will take action to relieve it. There are only two ways to relieve pain: evasion or transformation. Evasion is simply the process of distracting yourself from the pain of temporarily difficult situations in order to reap long-term benefits. Transformation is the process of using that same pain as motivation to reap more benefits faster. For example, if you’re at the gym straining to get through the last few repetitions of a tough exercise, you can either try to avoid the pain by putting your mind somewhere else (or stopping altogether), or you can get pissed off by the pain and power through the last few reps. Likewise, if you get hurt in a relationship, you can either evade pain by closing yourself off emotionally, or you can use the pain to initiate interpersonal growth. Positive transformation is the only way to use frustration to your advantage. This kind of transformation will help you increase happiness and improve self confidence while developing as a leader.

Piss Off Other People

Frustration is valuable. Understand that without frustration, there would be no breakthroughs. This is because grit and determination rely on frustration for energy. A lot of people make the mistake of immediately trying to resolve other people’s frustrations. If someone is frustrated, these people jump in and try to calm her down. They tell her all the reasons she shouldn’t be upset and what they would do if they were in her situation. Some of these people are sincerely interested in helping, but others are merely interested in hearing themselves talk. Correction is often a subconscious cry for attention.

I used to be a chronic corrector. Anytime a family member, friend, or colleague came to me with a problem, I would try to fix it before they were even finished telling me about it. I would cut them off and start stuffing their ears with my brilliant solutions. Of course, this would only frustrate them further. The problem was I wasn’t letting them externalize their frustrations. And worse, I was making them feel like they shouldn’t be frustrated in the first place. Now, when someone is fired up, I let them rant. I embrace their frustration. I don’t enjoy their problems and think, “Oh goodie, I’m doing better than this person right now”. I validate their emotions. I show them that I’m on their side and I’m against the other side. I don’t attack the people causing them problems; I attack the problems themselves. But this is only temporary. As soon as they have voiced their frustrations, I start asking questions like, “What are you going to do about it?” This helps them focus on transforming their problems into productive actions. It also allows them to come up with their own solutions.

Listening to and validating other people’s frustrations is a powerful way to positively influence motivation. And it is the best way to help them quickly increase happiness and improve confidence. The next time someone is frustrated about something, let them vent. In fact, join in. Validate their frustrations. Instead of correcting them, egg them on. And right when their pain is peaking, gently nudge them towards a productive action. Once they’ve voiced their problems, get them excited about possible solutions. Tilt them forward. Practice this same technique on yourself. Start seeing frustration as a power emotion. Embrace it, externalize it, and turn it into excitement. In my next post, I will show you how to have more fun than anyone else.

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

Epicurus

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.”

Voltaire

Gratitude is worth the effort.

Making time to appreciate yourself and other people is difficult. From a distance, appreciation doesn’t seem to offer much. Gratitude doesn’t pay the bills. Gratitude means giving without getting anything in return. At the same time, society guards us against appreciation. We have been scared into thinking that appreciation is a warning signal. Unsolicited compliments conjure images of conmen and used care salesmen. We ask, “What does this person want?”

Appreciation is never a mistake. When it comes to complimenting others, most people hold back because they’re afraid of coming off as slimy or insincere. And when it comes to appreciating their own strengths and personal victories, these people are afraid of sounding arrogant or self-centered. Understand that gratitude is always good. You will never regret showing gratitude to yourself or someone else. Gratefulness acts to open your mind, steady your heart, and connect you to others. It also connects you to the present moment. You can’t be worried and grateful at the same time. It’s impossible to be focused on what you’re thankful for and concerned about what you don’t have simultaneously. Counting your blessings will always bring your attention back to what’s possible, rather than what’s lacking.

Replay Past Victories

I used to guard myself against gratitude. I thought appreciating the past was useless. After all, it’s in the past. It’s gone. Outie. Not here and it’s never coming back. I also used to overvalue restlessness. I thought that maintaining a constant state of dissatisfaction was the only way to keep my internal fire lit. I was afraid that being content with my past accomplishments, or being satisfied with my current lot in life would slowly disintegrate my ambition. Eventually I learned that this kind of continuous discontent can close you off to opportunities and limit your future. Frustration is a powerful motivator, but so is appreciation. The key is that, unlike frustration, appreciation can be expressed continuously without any ill effects. Gratitude can help you fulfill your purpose in life while acting to improve your health and increase your happiness.

In the book, Thanks! How The New Science Of Gratitude Can Make You Happier, Robert Emmons discusses a study where he and his colleagues divided participants into three groups, each of which made weekly entries in a journal. The first group listed five things they were grateful for, the second group listed things that caused them stress, and the third (control) group listed any five events that influenced their lives in any way. The study found that people in the gratitude group felt better about their lives, were more optimistic, and had fewer health problems. These people also reported getting better sleep, spending less time awake before falling asleep, and feeling more refreshed in the morning. If you don’t have time to keep a journal, simply make a one-time list of all your past victories. Write down past achievements and experiences you’re thankful for. Tape the list to your bathroom mirror and read it to yourself in the morning. I started doing this two years ago and its had profound effects on my mood. Reading my list centers me on my purpose in life and instantly helps me increase happiness and improve self confidence. Here’s the short version of my gratitude list:

Appreciation paces your heart. Gratefulness has been shown to steady your heart rhythms, giving them a more stable, coherent order. Conversely, stressful emotions like anger, fear, and guilt discombobulate your heart rhythms, making them erratic and disordered (see below figure from Advances In Appreciative Inquiry). The good news is that you can change the rhythm of your heart in seconds by changing your focus to things you are grateful for. And this change is infectious. Have you ever been around someone whose mere presence makes you feel better? People might say that this person lights up a room or is the life of the party. Somehow she seems to infect people with her good mood. It turns out that this person’s heart may be the cause of this infection. Studies from the Institute of HeartMath show that your heart emits an electromagnetic field that extends up to five feet from your body. This heart field is 60 times stronger than the electromagnetic field emitted by your brain and can literally envelop people standing near you. In fact, your heart’s electromagnetic field can influence the rhythm of other people’s hearts. You can actually change the pace of other people’s hearts by being positive and appreciative. It also means that other people can change the pace of your heart. Make sure you’re surrounding yourself with grateful hearts, not hateful hearts. And make sure your own heart is grateful. Use gratitude to increase your happiness and increase happiness in those around you.

Rattle People With Gratitude

Engage people with carefree and credible compliments. Everyone is starving for positive attention. Studies show the human brain has a negativity bias and is 12 times more likely to retain negative information than positive information. This means the average person needs to be complimented 12 times more often than he is criticized just to stay centered. The problem is that most people are very quick to offer unsolicited critiques but very slow to offer unsolicited compliments. Appreciating other people is not easy. Gratitude requires vulnerability. Saying something nice to someone, especially a stranger, involves exposing your emotions. Unnoticed or unappreciated compliments are uncomfortable. No one wants to look stupid or be ignored. And no one wants to be annoying or come off as a kiss-ass. The trick is to simply not care. Understand that appreciation and expectation don’t mix. The only way to engage others through appreciation is to not expect anything in return. Treat a compliment as a gift, not a loan.

Gratitude relies on credibility. A good compliment takes effort. Most of the time, you will have to actively search for something nice to say. By default, our brains lock onto negativity. But you can train yours to automatically sniff our positivity. Practice with politeness. Simply taking the time to say “please” and “thank you”, type “I hope your day is going well” or “How are you?” in an email, or hold the door open for a stranger will strengthen your appreciation muscles. This practice is also a good way to develop leadership skills and improve confidence in those around you. Get in a habit of finding things to appreciate. When you are interacting with someone, ask yourself “What do I like about this person?” Are they wearing nice shoes, unique earrings, cool glasses, or a clean shirt? Are they doing their job well, speaking well, or being helpful in any way? Do they have a nice voice, curly hair, straight hair, brown eyes, green eyes, blue eyes …you get the picture. Take the time to notice something legit, state your compliment as a fact, and immediately move on in the conversation without expecting anything in return. The other person won’t forget it. In my next post, I will discuss the power of getting pissed off.

“It’s funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they’ll do practically anything you want them to.”

J.D. Salinger

“What is important is to spread confusion, not eliminate it.”

Salvador Dalí

“If you’re not confused, you’re not paying attention.”

Tom Peters

Confusion is a wakeup call.

Seek engagement, not attention. There are five different power emotions that will help you grab engagement and get things done. These emotions are confusion, appreciation, excitement, frustration, and fun. Too many people walk around in a fog of routine. At best, these people’s days include a handful of numb interactions where everyone involved just goes through the motions. Waking up yourself and others is not easy. Finding ways to enjoy life more can be elusive. The only way to get people to positively engaged in life is to tap into the above emotions. Using power emotions to motivate people is not about getting attention. Attention is promiscuous. It doesn’t stay involved with any one thing for very long. Engagement is the goal. Engagement commits people to the present moment by giving them an active purpose of living.

Intrigue is engaging. When you don’t understand something, your brain will make a series of millisecond decisions that label it as relevant or irrelevant. In Blink, author Malcom Gladwell writes, “there can be as much value in the blink of an eye as in months of rational analysis.” The point is our brains rely on intuition and snap judgments much more often than we think, and these judgments are much more accurate than we think. The majority of the time you’re awake, your brain is on autopilot, concerning itself only with information that could increase your happiness or help you avoid pain. Once your brain decides that a certain piece of information is relevant, it will engage your mind more actively. Now, you will consciously compare this new information to all of your references, or past experiences and overall knowledgebase. If your conscious mind can articulate and process this new information, it will store it as a new reference. However, if your conscious mind cannot understand this new information, it will hit the confused button. Now, you’re engaged.

Choose To Confuse

Confusion is the starting point of all discovery. Your confusion sweet spot is the subtle area where the cost (time and effort) of learning something new matches the benefit (gaining pleasure and avoiding pain) of learning it. Most people are put off by useful information too quickly. Something confuses them and they immediately label it as irrelevant unless there is an immediate benefit. Other people let useless information confuse them, wasting large amounts of time trying to figure out things that don’t matter. The key is to decide what confuses you. Don’t wait for random things to confuse you. Go out and actively look for ways to get confused in productive areas of your life. Seek out information that will increase your happiness and improve your self esteem long-term. The human brain is a discovery machine. As long as it’s alive, your brain will look for information to consume. Start choosing what it’s consuming.

Confusion brings people to life. Things that don’t make sense at first, but offer the possibility of understanding, draw us in. This is especially true of things that are within our own personal confusion sweet spot. Being confused means that you are about to learn something new. This is exciting. After all, one new piece of information can change your life forever. One new connection could increase your happiness, improve your self esteem, or help you fulfill your purpose in life. Most people go through life waiting for something or someone to wake them up, even for a second. They think to themselves, “show me that this isn’t all there is” or “surprise me with something amazing”. Confusion will help you tap into these desires and reengage people in the present moment. The quickest way to confuse someone (in a positive way) is to introduce a paradox or an element of unpredictability into your interaction. For example, during a conversation, cycle your energy levels up and down, act intensely interested and then mildly disinterested, or share details of a story rapidly and deliver the punchline patiently. This is called pacing people’s attention. Any public speaker will tell you that pacing is crucial to keeping an audience engaged. Unpredictability is enjoyable, as long as it’s gentle. Pacing introduces the possibility of a pleasant surprise. And everyone loves a pleasant surprise.

Confusion is charismatic. This is because charisma is steeped in contrast. Understand: nothing is sexier than a subtle paradox. A paradox is something that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth. There’s a reason why caring assholes and crabby beauty queens rarely have trouble finding dates. Ambiguity is alluring. The trick is to create a productive paradox. Anyone can counter one positive personality trait with one negative personality trait. It takes skill and effort to counter a positive trait with another equally positive trait. The effect of the latter will help you increase happiness, generate influence, and improve self confidence. Studies in the book It by Joseph Roach show that charismatic personalities like Oprah Winfrey or Tony Robbins display intense levels of strength and warmth at the same time. Being able to embody two positive, yet seemingly opposing characteristics is intriguing. It invokes feelings of wonder and mild frustration. We want to discover how these people balance themselves so effectively. We want to pin them down and figure them out. In other words, we want to resolve the paradox. In my next post, I will discuss the power of appreciation.